Posted on February 2nd, 2010 by Dr. Elaine Ducharme
I know each generation makes some of its own rules. And I know that the older generation is forever saying things like “What has this world come to?” I know that the idea of not having sex before marriage seems a bit old-fashioned for many. But–the concept of “friends with benefits” seems to me to be way over the top. Especially when I talk to many young teens who are engaging in this behavior. For those of you who don’t know what friends with benefits are, a search of the web turned up this definition:
“An agreement between two people who are both friends and physically attracted to one another to have a sexual relationship. Neither party is considered committed to the other, and both can start dating someone else at any time without prior warning. A friends with benefits arrangement is not considered dating, a relationship or even casual dating by most people who use the term.”
In addition, a typical comment found in my search was: “The whole idea of such a relationship is NOT to get serious or committed. It is a fun-only relationship where you meet up, enjoy the time you spend together.”
Honestly, I really don’t care what adults decide to do with each other. I do care that we seem to have lost control of our teenage daughters. I talk to so many teens who seem to think that boys won’t like them unless they “hook up.” That, for the uninformed adults among us, means having sex. What they discover is that shortly after they provide the “benefits” to these so called friends, the friends seem to disappear.
Teenage girls want desperately to be accepted. They want to have boyfriends. They want to feel special. This kind of arrangement almost always guarantees they will end up feeling hurt, used, and clearly, not very special. The more often this happens, the worse the girl generally feels. And the harder it is for her to develop a healthy relationship.
There is little evidence that casual sex leaves anyone, especially teenage girls, feeling good about themselves, except on television. Our teens feel unable to set boundaries and take care of themselves. Very often these hook-ups take place at home parties with alcohol or pot. But, probably more frequently, these casual sexual relationships are taking place in your basement or child’s bedroom.
Although I truly believe that most teens are not ready to handle intimate sexual relationships, and clearly not pregnancies, when they occur, it is one thing when the teens actually feel they are in love and have developed a solid relationship. The sad thing is, these kids don’t see the actual act of sex as being intimate. They don’t know each other well enough to have discussed the use of birth control. So they don’t discuss what they are doing.
As parents we need to talk with our sons and daughters about relationships…not just about sex. We need to help them set boundaries, learn to ask for what they want and need from a boyfriend, girlfriend and potential spouse and respect themselves and each other. We need to be good role models, speaking and behaving respectfully to each other in our homes. But, at this point, I think we probably need to be teaching these concepts in our schools. As one teen said to me, “they teach us about sex and birth control, but they don’t teach us how to say “NO!” I would really love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Talk to your kids and let me know what they say.
Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors, Parenting, Relationships, Women | No Comments »
Posted on February 1st, 2010 by Dr. Rick Barnett
In following various pop-culture, media-crazed stories on addiction balanced with staying up-to-date on the latest research on addiction, I came across a study published in a journal from the American Psychological Asssociation. The premise is simple and yielded some interesting results.
Though not a big fan of animal studies (rats!), I appreciate the value of this research. Several rats who became “addicted” (showed preference) to cocaine after repeated exposure displayed more ambivalence for the drug when exposed to novel stimuli (PVC pipe, a white sock, scouring pad, crumpled newspaper).
The “real-life” suggestion that can be made is that certain kinds of drug users may be optimally treated using exposure to novel behaviors, sensations, activities or any combination. Hmmm… I like the idea. I am a novelty-sensation-thrill-seeking person myself. My impression of this study, however, is that it highlights the difficulty treating addictive disorders more than it points to new treatments.
Addiction is an “equal opportunity destroyer.” It does not discriminate against different personality types, races, creeds, etc. There are as many people with a predisposition to novelty- or sensation-seeking behaviors that become addicts as those whose same predisposition actually buffer them from developing addictive disorders (adrenaline junkies!).
I have led many groups with addicted people, young and old, male and female. The subject of replacing one’s addictive behavior (or drug of choice) with another activity is a common topic in treatment. I have repeatedly been advised by recovering addicts that there is no comparable experience or worthy competitor to chasing the chemical high, no matter how novel or exhilarating.
The study has merit in that it proposes a possible essential tool in the toolbox of treatment methods that may make the difference between a sober and joyous life and a life of continued addiction and misery. What are you thoughts?
Photos by Andy Ciordia and Andrew Ressa.
Filed under: Lifestyle & Behaviors, Substance Abuse | No Comments »
Posted on January 20th, 2010 by Dr. Stephanie Smith
When new patients call me, one of their first questions is often “Can I use my insurance?” Thanks to the passage of the Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act by Congress in 2008, many of us are able to use our health insurance to pay for psychological services.
But figuring out how to access your benefits, and then understanding what your benefits actually mean can be a complicated process. Below I have listed some basic steps and information about how to begin.
First, look at the back side of your insurance card and look for a phone number for “Behavioral Health.” If there is not one, look for “Customer Service.” I encourage my patients to call this number before their first appointment and inquire about “outpatient mental health benefits.” On that call they should learn more than they ever wanted to about their health plan, including:
- Pre-authorizations: Some plans require either the patient or the provider to answer several questions about the proposed treatment, and will then authorize payment for psychotherapy sessions. Sometimes insurance companies dole out sessions 5 or 10 at a time, others authorize sessions for a full year. It is important to have these authorizations secured BEFORE treatment starts in order to avoid denial of coverage. Because sessions can get expensive, I encourage patients to ask about authorizations several times, i.e. “So, I just want to make sure that I DO NOT need an authorization before I see Dr. Smith?” just to make sure everyone is on the same page.
- Deductible: Some plans require patients to pay a certain amount out of pocket before their benefits kick in. It is important to know several things about deductibles: 1) If you have one 2) How much is it? 3) What is applied to the deductible? 4) When does it re-set? (some re-set on January 1st, others at the start of your employer’s fiscal year, etc).
- Co-Pay: Most plans require a co-payment or co-insurance that is payable to the provider at the time of service. Sometimes this amount is set (i.e., $15) other times it is a percentage of the provider’s fee. This might be another question to ask your insurance company several times just to make sure you know what you’re in for financially.
- Number of Sessions Per Year: Most plans cap the number sessions for psychological services. This number is important to keep in mind when planning frequency of sessions with your psychologist. Tip: make sure someone (presumably you or your provider) is keeping track of the number of sessions you use as the year goes on; un-reimbursed session fees can add up quickly.
Lastly, I encourage my patients to look out for the Explanation of Benefits (EOB’s) they get in the mail about our sessions. If you’re not sure what these are, they come from your insurance company and say “THIS IS NOT A BILL” at the top. I think it is crucial to be an informed consumer and customer of both my, and the insurance company’s services, and checking out the EOB’s is a great way to do that.
For more information about the next step – finding a great psychologist to meet with – click here. Good luck!
Filed under: Being in Therapy, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
