When accidents happen, it’s important to talk to kids honestly about what has occurred.

Graphic and detailed information is typically not needed. Brief, accurate, and age-appropriate information can be provided, followed by lots of time for questions and discussion about kids’ thoughts about the incident.

An example might be: “Mrs. Jones was in a bike accident.  She fell from her bike and hurt her neck and broke her leg. When we see her next week she will have a few bandages on her face, a cast on her leg and will be using crutches.”

This might be followed by something like this: “You know, accidents happen.  So that’s why we wear bike helmets and ride on the sidewalks.”

Some other things to be aware of:

• Some kids won’t seem to care about the person who has experienced the trauma.  That’s OK, we all deal with things differently.  They may show concern at a later time, or not at all.
• Kids may become very concerned about their own safety and the safety of their loved ones. For example, in the above case a child might be nervous to ride their own bike following the trauma. Brief re-assurance and a review of safety precautions (helmets, etc) are appropriate.
• Children who have a history of trauma may have a particularly hard time when a new trauma arises, even if it doesn’t concern them directly. In this case, providing extra time for open-ended discussion about the past and current trauma is important.
• Kids who show symptoms of depression or anxiety may benefit from talking to a mental health professional, including a school counselor or psychologist. Symptoms might include, difficulty sleeping, lack of interest in previously pleasurable activities, increased tearfulness, and isolation/withdraw.  Kids might also complain of physical ailments like stomach and headaches.

Photo by mikemcilveen (via Flickr)

The media is on fire with discussions about the Penn State University sexual abuse unfolding before our eyes in central Pennsylvania. While we don’t know the outcome of this story yet, we do know that child sexual abuse happens everyday. While difficult for most of us to talk about, it’s something that we should all be aware of, actively trying to prevent, and educating our children about.

As we are learning through the case at Penn State, it is critical that suspicions of child abuse be reported to the proper authorities. While making a phone call (to the police department, 911, or local child protection agency) to report abuse can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable, it is crucial that law enforcement have as much information as possible.

Some facts about childhood sexual abuse:

•  Most children are abused by someone they know and trust; boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.
• Some CDC research has estimated that approximately 1-in-6 boys and 1-in-4 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18.
• Most mental health and child protection professionals agree that child sexual abuse is not uncommon and is a serious problem in the United States.

If you have family members of friends dealing with the pain of childhood sexual abuse, there are many resources available, including:

• American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children (312) 554-0166
• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 24-hour hotline: 1-800-THE-LOST
• Child Help USA (1-800) 4-A-CHILD  
• Prevent Child Abuse America  (1-800) CHILDREN  
• Child Welfare Information Gateway (formerly National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information) (1-800) 394-3366

Fore more thoughts on how to help families learn from the situation at Penn State, check out my post on Dr. Stephanie

Photo by .Dianna. (via flickr)

Have you seen the buzz about the new study recently reported in the journal Pediatrics? It found that child care time might help protect kids of depressed moms from developing psychological and behavioral problems. 

Blogs and articles (like this one from CNN’s The Chart) have been popping up all over the Internet since the study’s release.  While the authors note that the results need to be replicated, I think there are still some important points we can take from the findings.

(I know there is a lot of debate and strong feelings among mothers on how to raise a child, especially when it comes to using child care. I contend that truly supporting moms around us would be another great way to assist the kids of depressed and happy moms alike, which I write more about in this related blog post.)

1. It can take more than one person to raise a healthy child.

In Hillary Clinton’s book, It Takes a Village: and Other Lessons Children Teach Us, she writes about how it takes lots of people, love, and support to raise happy, healthy children.  Well, times haven’t changed much since the 1990s. In fact, I would argue that most of us parents need more help than ever.  Hectic schedules, a slumping economy, and more complex social and technological pressures make parenting more challenging than ever. 

Depressed and non-depressed moms (and dads!) alike can use the assistance of other supportive, nurturing adults when raising their children.  Qualified child care workers, Sunday school teachers, gymnastics instructors, and experienced babysitters could all be important teachers in the lives of all of our children.

2. Asking for help is a good thing.

We Americans love our independence; and it’s a great thing indeed.  Except when life gets tough, challenges arise, and life’s pressures become too much to manage.  In those cases, independence is the last thing we need.  In fact, it is in these times that we need relationships and the assistance of others in our communities.  Whether we are depressed moms, anxious dads, military families or psychologically healthy grandmas, reaching out and asking for help when the going gets tough is essential. 

3. Our moods affect our kids. 

I don’t care whether a mom (or any primary caretaker) is happy, nervous, sad, or angry: Those moods affect the kids.  Kids take their cues from their parents about everything: how to react to strangers, approach a new physical challenge, feel about the latest American Idol, and view the world as a whole.  Even when we don’t think our kids notice or care what we are doing–they do.  This study on depressed moms and children in day care reminds us that we parents need to care for ourselves so that we can care for our children. 

Not sure where to turn for psychological help?  Check out APA’s Find a Psychologist locator service, check your health insurance website, or ask your pediatrician for a referral to a qualified mental health professional in your area.

Photo by Presidio of Monterey: DLIFLC & USAG’s (via flickr)

As a psychologist, I think a lot about creating and maintaining mental health.  It’s a challenge that each of us face daily. 

For example, how do we:

• keep our stress at healthy levels?
• maintain strong relationships?
• utilize good communication skills with friends, co-workers, and neighbors?
• manage conflict when it arises?
• understand our moods, what affects them, and how they affect others?

Creating and maintaining mental health can be a tricky business.  But sometimes we have the skills to cope with life’s challenges and stressors–and don’t even give ourselves credit! 

That’s often the case with creativity.  Many of us use creative outlets to help manage stress, frustration, disappointment, but don’t realize the good we are doing in terms of our mental health. Research has shown creative outlets and creativity can be helpful as a part of therapy.

Quilting bees, “paint and sip,” art studios and scrapbooking nights: These and many other techniques have been used by women for generations to talk through problems, brainstorm solutions, and simply have a place to blow off steam.

Embrace the creative outlets you already use, and give them credit for what they are: effective, highly do-able, and super fun ways to keep up mental health.  Need some ideas on how to get creative?  Check out the blog party on my own blog, Dr. Stephanie , CREATE Mental Health.  Happy creating!

Does taking time out to be creative help you destress? Help you find balance? Tell me what activities you like best.

Photos by justmakeit and Contemporary Jewish Museum via Flickr

We all know that most kids love a good sleepover or slumber party.  But what we don’t always remember is that they can be stressful too.  I have heard kids complain that sleepovers “always end in drama” or that they are “never as fun” as they had hoped.  I have even seen a few kids swear off slumber parties after having a few bad experiences!

I wrote an article earlier this week about how parents can prepare themselves for a successful sleepover.  This time, I am focusing on what kids themselves can do to ensure a happy, drama-free event.

• Be picky. One of the most common mistakes when planning a sleepover is to invite too many kids.  Before sending e-vites to all the girls (or boys) in your class, consider who you really want there.  Do you have a couple BFF’s?  Stick with them and call the list complete.  Too many kids can cause the potential for drama and chaos to escalate.
• Think about the dynamics. Nothing hurts a sleepover more than attendees fighting, bullying, and/or ignoring each other.  When deciding who to invite, consider how the potential invitees get along.  Does everybody know each other?  Instead of having one big party with lots of different groups of people, or people who don’t get along, think about having a couple different events (for example, one for your BFF’s from school and another with your friends from church or the neighborhood).
• Plan something. Kids can usually find activities to do on their own at a party, but most kids agree that having at least one or two planned activities makes the event even more awesome.  Cake decorating contests, scooter races, horror movie marathons – what would keep you and your buddies entertained for a few hours?
• Crisis management. Even if you do your best to plan a super-fun, drama-free sleepover, there is the possibility that someone will get homesick or have an argument with another party-goer.  Talk to your parents about how you should deal with it.  It’s good to be prepared for these sorts of things.
• Speaking of parents… What are your expectations for your parents during the party?  Do you want them to be involved in the activities?  Want them to stay in the basement and away from the action?  Talk to your family well before the party starts so everyone can agree on what to do on the big day.
• Is it really necessary? Sure, sleepovers can be tons of fun – but is it really what you want to do?  Is there another way you could get together with your friends and have a good time?  Think outside the box when it comes to party planning – you just may come up with the next new trend in birthday celebrations!

Photos by koekiehaas and FunwithFred (via flickr)