Ten years later, for most of us, life has moved on. We’ve experienced weddings, births, new jobs, new milestones. Americans are resilient, and we learned just how true that was in the years after 9/11. But anniversaries, especially the ones which seem to be significant, can make many adults and children experience reactions to memories and images related to 9/11.

What are anniversary feelings and why do they happen to us?

When a highly traumatic event happens in our lives, it is common to experience a host of feelings in the days and weeks prior to, the day of, and after the anniversary.  For example, you may have trouble sleeping and feel more tired. You can’t get upsetting images out of your mind. You find it hard to concentrate, cry more, startle more easily. You might feel generally more nervous or just off. You may feel uncomfortable being alone and have a stronger desire to be with friends or family.  These symptoms are likely to go away on their own soon after the anniversary date.

What can trigger an anniversary reaction?

The triggers of an anniversary reaction are as individual as each person who experienced the day. For some, it could be memories and images from the actual event. For others, it could be watching retrospective news coverage and television documentaries. Still there are those who may feel discomfort hearing emergency sirens, traveling on a plane, or evacuating a tall building through a stairwell.

What are more serious reactions?  

For some individuals, the 9/11 anniversary will trigger more serious symptoms related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. These symptoms may have started soon after 9/11 or months or years later. Symptoms can be retriggered during anniversaries of overwhelming and frightening events. While most reactions to anniversaries go away on their own, the symptoms of PTSD often do not. This is when it’s important to talk to a mental health professional.

What are some ways to acknowledge 9/11 and my grief? 

We all cope differently and have different needs around dates of traumatic events.  Some individuals will just make a mental note of the date and not give it much more thought.  For others, however, it is important to “do” something to mark the date, experience and loss.  Consider some of these options:

• Take time to be with family or friends. Stay connected instead of being alone.
• Or be alone. Disconnect from the news and visit a park, lake or someplace outdoors. Take time out of a hike to reflect on the quiet, calm and beauty around you.
• Visit a grave or memorial site of a loved one, friend or colleague, if it brings you comfort in any way.
• Attend a community, school or faith-based event in remembrance of 9/11.
• Make a donation to your local emergency responders association, such as a fire, police or EMS department.
• Light a candle in memory of someone special or to mark the day.
• Plant a tree or flowers in memory of someone special. Create and nurture a garden at home or in the community.
• Write about your feelings and what they day means to you now.
• Make a commitment to volunteer with an organization or cause you support.
• Create a new tradition so the day has a positive meaning.

Whatever you chose to do or not do to mark 9/11, remember to take good care of yourself.  It’s common during difficult and more stressful times to forget about good nutrition, exercise and relaxation just at the time when they may be most important to our health and well-being.  The 10^th anniversary of 911 is certainly likely to be a powerful day for so many individuals, families, communities, organizations and countries.

Remember, you were not alone 10 years ago experiencing the day America changed. And you are not alone in your grief 10 years later.

Photo by ClatieK (via Flickr)

RELATED VIDEO

Psychologist Rosemary Schwartzbard, PhD, talks about how 9/11 has become an emotional milestone for many people and discusses how people can change the meaning of the day. Dr. Schwartzbard was one of the psychologists on scene at the Pentagon immediately following the events of September 11.

Mother’s Day is this Sunday and many moms would love the gift of time. Time to be alone; time to be with family and friends; time for fun; time to read; and yes–time to exercise! 

Women hear the recommendations all the time– try to exercise 30 minutes to one hour per day four or five times a week. And many women readily acknowledge that after a walk, a run, cycling or taking a Zumba or yoga class, they feel better emotionally and physically.

Physical activity helps us with our weight, our body image, our stress, our sleep, our energy, our concentration, and for those in menopause, even hot flashes. These are just a few of the many positive benefits of regular exercise.  But a lot of women find it tough to add physical activity to their schedule in the face of so many competing responsibilities at home, at work and in the community.

So, how can you find time to exercise when you already feel maxed out with all that you have to do? Here are several strategies to help women find more time for exercise:

Capitalize on screen and play time.  If you allow your child who is a least two years old to watch a 30-minute video or television program or use the computer, consider using a stationary bike or elliptical machine while they are plugged in. If you have very young children, place the exercise equipment in the same room so that you can keep an eye on them while they are playing with toys. This may not be alone time, but you will still feel better after the exercise.

Claim waiting time. Exercise when your children are at after school sports, classes or lessons.  Instead of waiting for your child in the car or school, go for a walk while they are at practice – even for 30 minutes.

Negotiate exercise time.  Talk with your spouse or partner, another mom, a neighbor, friends or another parent about covering each other for 30 minute intervals during the week or over the weekend so that each of you can get exercise.  Everyone benefits! 

Invite other moms. Go with another mom to the local track or park and alternate walking and watching the children. There is a good bet the other mom would be delighted to have 30 minutes to herself and get a walk or run in as well!

Get moving at lunch. During lunch, go for a walk alone or with colleagues. You will return to the office more refreshed and focused. Trying eating lunch before or after you go out or consider walking to a park, eating and then walking back.  The sunlight will be good for you as well!

Get moving in your neighborhood. Consider talking with other women in your neighborhood about walking together at the same time a few days a week. Making a commitment to others can help us sustain exercise goals.

Take a child with you. Take a child on bike ride, out for a walk or a run, ice skating or on a hike with you. While this strategy will not get you alone time, you will get more physical activity than staying at home, and will help your child to develop an active lifestyle.

Get up and exercise. Consider using an exercise video, an online video, TV exercise program or exercise equipment for 30 minutes before your children get up in the morning.  Many women feel less stressed during the day when they get to bed earlier and start the morning with some time for themselves.

Remember: Even some exercise tends to feel better than none. If finding an hour is tough, 30 minutes is a great start.  Try to set realistic goals and put your physical activity on your task list! Start today and give yourself the gift of health and well-being.

Too many women and men in the United States are struggling with medical problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and joint problems not to mention several types of cancer. These conditions can often be avoided if we take steps to live healthier lifestyles.  You know the recommendations—eat better foods, stop smoking, limit alcohol use to 3-4 drinks per week, get physical activity three to five times a week, and certainly drop the pounds.

But many people have a tough time making the changes to improve their health in spite of their unhappiness with their weight, or recommendations from health care providers about reducing their risks for chronic conditions.  What’s holding us back from improving our health? According to the 2010 survey from the American Psychological Association, more than 29 percent of people surveyed said “lack of willpower” kept them following through with recommended lifestyle changes. Survey respondents also said having more energy/less fatigue and more confidence in their ability to change would help them overcome their lack of willpower.

But is it “willpower” that is really getting in the way of better physical and mental health? Or is something else preventing adults, and women in particular, from achieving good health?

The APA survey  found that more women than men reported feeling significant levels of stress (28 percent for women vs. 20 percent for men). They acknowledged that stress keeps them awake at night and that they eat too much or too many unhealthy foods. More women than men also said because of stress, they felt irritable, tired, anxious and sad.  

While many women may say that it’s poor willpower that keeps them from taking better care of themselves, the survey actually picked up on the reality that too many women do not have enough energy, sleep or help from others to give them time to exercise, eat better and get more rest. 

Many women sacrifice their emotional and physical health needs to a long list of responsibilities at home, at work and in their communities. They make a vow to start anew next week, month, year or when life is less stressful.  And because they lack the time, energy and support, they blame themselves and then decide they lack willpower to eat better, get out for a walk or stop smoking.

Instead of waiting for the right time, women can take small, realistic and successful steps toward their health goals right now.  And those changes don’t need to happen all at once or without the support of others. 

This Newsweek article nicely summarizes several strategies to help women take action to beat their “willpower problem” and take better care of their health.

• Seek support from family, friends and co-workers
• Get some rest—start with going to bed earlier
• Treat depression—it gets in the way of your happiness, sleep, energy, concentration, decision making, and self-esteem
• Have more realistic expectations about what you can fit in day
• Take time for yourself  

When you find yourself wanting to skip the gym and instead feel powerless to the allure of your couch and the cheese and chips, try to stop and listen to what your body and your heart are trying to tell you. Are you really hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If you are having trouble getting started with your health goals, talk with a psychologist who can help you reduce the barriers that are in the way of lifelong healthy living.

Photo by seandreilinger  via flickr

The “baby blues” are very common among mothers in the first few weeks after delivery and typically go way on their own as hormone levels shift after delivery. But postpartum depression and anxiety are far more serious, and often get worse without active mental health treatment.

Some women are more sensitive to the changes in pregnancy and thyroid hormones after delivery; others have difficulty with the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn or were at risk for postpartum challenges because of a past history of depression, past pregnancy complications or relationship issues. Women may notice symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety soon after delivery or months later, but they often are reluctant to seek help. 

For example, at six weeks, “Sally” was breast feeding Jack every three hours and had little time to sleep during the day. She was cooking for her two other children, doing chores, and trying to answer emails from work. She felt attached to Jack but was not enjoying being with him. She frequently felt like she wanted to run away from all the commotion in the house.  Sally was reluctant to tell anyone how she was feeling because she was embarrassed by her endless tears, sadness and short fuse.

Depression and anxiety during and after pregnancy are important women’s mental health issues.  If you are experiencing signs of postpartum depression and/or anxiety, take care if yourself and seek treatment right away. 

• Ask for a referral.  Call your health care provider if you are having symptoms or you are not sure.  Your ob/gyn, midwife or family health provider can refer you to a licensed mental health profession who can provide effective psychotherapy or medication, if it’s needed.
• Sleep more.  Sleep is essential to improving your mood. So sleep when the baby sleeps – even if during the day. If you can’t fall asleep when the baby is sleeping because of anxiety, tell your health care provider. Work with your partner, family and friends to help you get more sleep at night and during the day.
• Walk.  As soon as your health care providers say it’s OK, start walking – alone or with the baby. The aerobic exercise will help you sleep and reduce your anxiety.  Start slow and increase your distance each week until you are walking 45-50 minutes.   
• Seek support from other new moms.  Caring for a newborn and young infant can be extremely isolating.  Other moms understand what you are going through, share some of your worries and questions, and have lots of ideas.  Moms often meet together at local hospitals, neighborhood centers and parks, at each others homes or arrange to go for walks together.  There’s a whole community of moms online who discuss postpartum depression and provide support to each other.
• Ask family and friends to babysit. Take time for yourself and give yourself a break for least an hour or two several times a week.  Having your own time (and free hands) lets you catch your breath and focus on your own well-being.  Remember, it is hard to care for your family if you are running on empty.
• Keep your expectations in check.  Caring for a newborn can be challenging and is extremely time consuming.  Set reasonable goals each day and do your best to let go of the small stuff.

Photo by max’s pixs (from flickr)

As Mother’s Day approaches on Sunday, advertisements suggest that we honor moms with cards, flowers, massages, brunch, chocolate, clothes or whatever! You name it – stuff is supposed to make mothers feel happy and valued. 

While sparkly jewelry and roses are certainly appreciated by many women, gifts of a different sort may be what moms really need to feel good and even improve their well-being. Surveys show that women report feeling more stress than men. And mothers report higher stress levels than fathers. More moms than dads also report feeling exhausted, laying awake at night or experiencing headaches, worry and sadness because of stress.

So, as you work to make Mother’s Day a special occasion, consider a few these ideas that might improve the well-being of moms and the family.

• Moms want time to themselves, as well as time to spend with the family. But make sure it’s not just one Sunday a year. Instead, help Mom make time for herself and the family several times each week.
• Spend some time as a family taking a walk or playing outside. Make it become a weekly habit for everyone to get active 3-5 days a week so the whole family benefits.
• Most moms work, and then come home and work more inside the home. On Mother’s Day — and everyday — make an effort to share or rotate some of the responsibilities at home.  Get the kids involved with chores too!
• Make time to grocery shop, prepare meals and eat together as a family. This not only cuts back on some of Mom’s workload. It helps teach your children how to make healthier food choices.
• Protect time during the week when the family can be alone together for quality time. Turn off the TV and ask each other about their day. Play games, go for walks, let your imagination run wild with new things to do together.
• Sometimes Mom just needs time away from kids. Whether time with her friends or with a significant other, a date night, long walk, fun movie or short trip can be restoring.

Remember, when moms feel healthy, their well-being improves, and that benefits mothers and the whole family.

Photos by cybertoad and okilic (at flickr)