Imagine if you’d spent as much time learning to understand your emotions as you did learning to read, write and count. Unfortunately, like most of us, you likely received very little education or guidance in this area, surrendering your emotions to chance.

That often doesn’t work out too well.

Life is complicated and people are even more so. The chances are that at some point, we are faced with some difficult and emotionally challenging situations involving loss, conflict or rejection. These stresses (all too common in this ongoing economy) can often cause us to feel anxious or a bit down. If you don’t have the emotional skills to understand and manage these feelings, and this cycle goes on long enough, it can lead to feeling depressed or out of control, causing major problems in everyday life.

But here’s the really good news. Even if you weren’t blessed back in the days of the 3 Rs in school with learning how to understand and manage your emotions, it’s not too late!

Psychotherapy is a remarkably effective technique that helps you take back emotional control of your life and live better. Through the context of the therapeutic relationship, the therapist teaches you important skills for understanding and managing difficult emotions in your present life, but also helps you to retain these skills so you can apply them in future situations. Psychotherapy has the power to not only make you feel better, but to positively change the course of your life. As a practicing psychologist, I see evidence of this every day in my office.

Recently a group of psychologists produced a video for the public, which beautifully and evocatively illustrates the powers of psychotherapy. Take a look for yourself.

If you are unsure of how to find a good psychotherapist, you can start with talking to your primary care physician. (Psychotherapy is covered by most major insurance providers, as well as Medicare and Medicaid.) You can also check out the APA’s Psychologist Locator Service for a list of psychologists–doctors trained to listen and help–in your area.

Don’t leave your emotions to chance. Consider psychotherapy–take control of your emotional life now, and learn to hold on to it forever.

Photo by room_onfire (via Flickr)

The weather outside is getting warmer, the days are growing longer, events like graduations and weddings and outdoor barbeques are looming on the horizon. People expect you to be happy right now, but instead you actually feel more depressed and irritable than in the winter.

 Why?

Despite what you think, you aren’t alone feeling this way. In fact, in late spring and summer, admissions to psychiatric hospitals actually increase from the winter months. There’s a name for what you might be feeling– seasonal affective disorder (SAD), summer variant.

Summer seasonal affective disorder is different than the more well-known, winter seasonal affective disorder, and it’s also rarer. Unlike the winter variety of SAD, which affects 4-6 percent of the U.S. population, summer SAD affects less than 1 percent of the U.S. population and is more common in warmer climates in the United States and in countries near the equator. But like the winter SAD, it affects primarily women in their 20s to 40s.

Summer SAD is thought to be related to increases in temperature and decreases in melatonin. Severe fluctuations in barometric pressure and rainfall also seem to exacerbate mood changes associated with summer SADS. 

The primary symptoms of summer SAD are the following:

• Poor appetite
• Insomnia
• Increased anxiety
• Increased irritability and/or agitation
• Weight loss
• Increased sex drive
• Loss of interest in your usual activities
• Hopelessness
• Feelings of Depression
• Suicidal thoughts

 So, what can you do if you think you might suffer from summer seasonal affective disorder? Here are some recommendations.

 Tips for coping with summer seasonal affective disorder 

• Recognize that there is help! If you are struggling for more than two weeks with the symptoms listed above, get help from a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional. In rare cases, the symptoms of summer SAD can be the beginnings of a manic episode, or they can turn into a major depression, if you do not get some help.

  A psychologist can help you by using certain therapy techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, which have been proven to be very effective in treating seasonal affective disorders. Cognitive therapy works by teaching you strategies to “reframe” or think more positively and flexibly about your situation. This leads to increased self control, improvements in mood and lessening of anxiety and helplessness. Medication may be useful too.

•  Limit your exposure to heat. Stay indoors in air conditioning on extremely hot days.    
• Keep up a regular exercise schedule (stay indoors on hot days). 
• Get enough sleep. Try to get at least 7-8 hrs a day. This will definitely make you feel better. 
• Plan your vacation to a cooler climate, if possible. 
• Finally, recognize that you are not alone in feeling sad and uncomfortable. This time of year is particularly hard on single, divorced or widowed people, especially those who have lost loved ones in the summer months.

 The contrast between what we think we should feel (joy, happiness, delight in the “carefree summer”) and what we may actually feel (sad, anxious, irritated, uncomfortable with our body) can definitely lead to feelings of irritability and depression. Remember, even though it may seem as if everyone else is having a wonderful time frolicking in the sun, many people are not and are coping with some of the same issues as you!

Photo by Chapendra via Flickr

• Change your expectations. Even though it may be tempting to splurge because you have been “good” all year, don’t give into this. Remember, your family did without a few special treats last year and were fine! They will be OK again this year and will thank you if you continue to save for their future.
• Be grateful for what’s important and live in the present. Experiences with your family and friends–like a drive to see the lights in the neighborhood or a trip to the mall to see Santa–can help you get through the recession, and in the end, are the most meaningful memories your children will have.
• Be creative! Think about how your family can experience the holidays with minimal expense. Ask your kids for ideas about ways to celebrate. Maybe just time to chill as a family is really what they want. Establish simple meaningful rituals for the whole family. Board games, anyone? They will remember these rituals forever.
• Pay attention to others and volunteer as a family. Check out the local Y-USA, homeless shelter or food depository. These are great ways to help out as a family and contribute to the meaning of the season.
• Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t control. Especially at this time of year. You can’t control whether your boss is in the holiday mood or whether your children are disappointed in Santa. You can control your reactions to the people you care about and how you cope when those around you are disappointed.
• Keep the holidays in perspective and try to sort out the past from the present. While it’s only two weeks out of the year, these can be emotionally evocative times, often fraught with sad memories from our childhood. Our brains flash backwards at this time, to the losses and disappointments from Christmas’s past and this contributes to the confusion and the emotional tightrope we feel this time of year. For this reason, consider that you’ll probably feel less intense and more hopeful after the holidays.

Try not to feel guilty! Even though you or a family member may be unemployed or struggling financially, your kids can understand. All they want is you and some semblance of a family at this time of year. Kids are a lot more forgiving than adults when it comes to matters of the heart. Be there in whatever way you can for them!

When APA released the results of its 2010 Stress in America Survey, I was especially struck by the differences in women and men regarding stress.

Not only were women more likely than men (28 percent vs 20 percent) to report a great deal of stress, but married women, in particular, reported significantly more stress (63 percent) than single women (41 percent). Married women were also more  likely than single women to report crying, irritability and fatigue and to resort to unhealthier ways to manage their stress like overeating.

Economy Hurting Women

One of the reasons married women may be more stressed is the downturn in the economy. Higher unemployment rates for men mean more women are now often the sole family wage earner. Many women are also at home coping with a spouse who has have been unemployed for the last two years. As the caretakers of their families’ needs, married women traditionally bear the brunt of their family’s pain and often struggle to “fix it” for everyone. Unfortunately, they often neglect their own needs in the process, leading to higher rates of depression, exhaustion and poor overall health, something I’ve been seeing more and more of in my practice.

The story of Kathy and Larry

One patient I’ll call “Kathy” (not her real name) never worked outside the home after having her three children. Her husband “Larry” (also not his real name) provided a good income from the manufacturing industry. Two years ago he was suddenly laid off after 25 years. Their story is a life lesson for us.

For the first time in their long-term marriage, Kathy had to work. She found it terrifying. The couple began fighting more, and  Kathy became anxious and angry. When Kathy came to see me, she was not sleeping and had gained 20 pounds from late-night binge eating.

Although Kathy had not worked outside the home, she had many strengths and skills that she had gained raising three successful children and volunteering for the past 20 years, I told her.  But in order to function decently, she needed to be able to sleep. Insomnia affects concentration and memory at work. But it’s also linked to late-night eating and weight gain. Kathy’s primary care physician prescribed a mild sleep aid, and I worked with her to  lessen both her anxiety and her ruminating about her future.

We worked on dealing with the family’s money crisis, and she quickly found a job doing accounting work for a small business. I also referred Larry to a therapist.

A Positive Outcome

While Larry only managed to find part-time consulting work, he discovered he loves cooking. Kathy, on the other hand, was surprised to discover she loves working outside the home and was promoted at work. Most importantly, the couple learned to adapt to the changing economy and pulled closer together, rather than be pulled apart.

While marriage can be more stressful for women, it can also be a positive buffer against outside stress.  Here’s what makes the difference:

• Determine what you can control (exercise, diet, dealing with anger) and what you cannot control (the economy, your partner’s personality).
• Reach out to good girlfriends and family for support–they are invaluable.
• Take care of your health and your stress–make that annual physical exam appointment.
• Focus on your strengths as a couple, not just your differences.
• Get professional help for communication problems quickly so you don’t drift apart.
• If your husband won’t go for couple therapy, get help for yourself.

Photo by Tom Poes via flickr.

Celebrities have been speaking out and producing videos for YouTube, sending messages to gay teens that “It Gets Better.” People around the country rallied online for “Spirit Day,” wearing purple on Oct. 20, showing their support of GLBT teens and awareness of the effects of bullying and suicide. Word of the event spread via Facebook, blogs and Twitter.

When I first wrote about the devastating impact of bullying earlier this year, I was unaware that bullying would soon hit me very close to home. A week later, my 15-year old daughter came home from her high school – Evanston Township, just north of Chicago – and mentioned that a group of students had put up a Facebook page called “Evanston Rats.” It was demeaning and humiliated students by name. The page was incredibly nasty, accusing other students of a variety of personal crimes, from stealing someone’s boyfriend to cheating on tests and much more.

Like most schools nowadays, ETHS has a strict no-bullying policy, and administrators immediately sprang to action. The principal quickly called all 4,000 parents, alerting them to the page, which was later taken down. The school notified police and launched an official investigation. All students were told, in no uncertain terms, that if they had participated in harassment and bullying, there would be disciplinary action.

Swift and bold action, indeed. But what happened next, is truly the most inspiring part of this story.

Many of the students took it upon themselves and developed a fresh and wonderful way to thwart the bullies. Two seniors created a Facebook group called “Evanston Mice,” designed for students to send positive, complimentary messages to their friends, classmates and even the teachers. Teens have wished each other happy birthday and complimented their classmates’ prowess in baseball or talent in singing. In just five days, over one third of the student body had joined the “Mice,”and it’s still going strong into another school year.

The students’ solution to the bullies was not only clever, but potentially more effective and long lasting than the more punitive solution imposed by the administrators. And psychologists know that positive support is much more effective in changing behavior than negative reinforcement or punishment.

We often want to blame or demonize the method to bullying – the Internet can spread any ridicule farther and wider than the heckling and mocking that was once seemingly limited  to the schoolyard. But the Internet and its many tools can also serve as a way to positively galvanize groups and people in a very public and quick way.

My daughter has shared with me the kind and thoughtful comments her friends have posted about each other, and maybe it’s just me, but I notice a kinder gentler tone when I am around the girls as well.

Photo by Daniel Greene (via flickr)