Caregivers typically report higher stress levels than other adults, according to APA’s Stress in America survey.

A lot of people don’t get what it means to take care of another human being. As kids, we don’t realize how hard it is to parent a child. And until you have cared for another ill or elderly person, it is often difficult to understand how stressful this situation can be.

This is especially true if the person you are caring for is a parent.

My sister-in-law found herself in this position a few years ago. And more recently, so did a neighbor and good friend. I wrote in a recent blog post for WRCH about my neighbor’s experience after her mother was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor known as a glioblastoma. (WRCH is the local CBS radio station where I am a monthly guest on the morning show.)

We expect our parents to be there for us. We want to be able to cry on their shoulder. We want them to make us chicken soup when we are sick–even if we are “grown up.”

But sometimes life doesn’t seem fair, and we find our roles reversed.

We are the ones caring for our parents. We are listening to their complaints. We are coordinating doctor’s appointments and taking them for treatments. And often this is occuring as we try to care for our own spouse and children. The job is even harder if we had a stressful relationship with parents before they became unable to care for themselves.

It is really important that caretakers find ways to take care of themselves. There is no one formula for everyone. But the following ideas have been helpful to many caretakers.

• Ask for help. Requesting help lets others know what you really need. Go ahead and ask that someone help with meals, drive your family member to a doctor’s appointment, or pick up your kids after school. This is far better than people bringing yet another box of candy when they come to visit. This may be difficult because we often feel as if we have to do it all or should be able to handle it.
• Check out respite care. These services provide an amazing–and needed–service you and your loved one.
• Take a few minutes every day to meditate or do a few belly breaths.This is so easy to do once you learn it. Andthe few minutes required to to do these thngs make them great stress busters.

When we are stressed we have higher levels of a chemical (cortisol) that damages our system. It’s like a little hammer chiseling away at our healthy insides. (Watch the effects of stress on the body with this cool graphic.)

The problem is that not everyone understands just how unhealthy this is on our physical health. Because of this, many people may be less likely to use stress management strategies that improve their health.

Have you looked at the recent findings of APA’s Stress in America survey? This survey highlights the negative impact of stress on physical health, and it shows that not all survey respondents were aware of the connection.

According to the survey,

“Although the majority of adults understand that stress has a strong impact on a person’s health,  a sizeable minority still think that stress has only a slight or no impact on their own physical health (31 percent) and mental health (36 percent).”

Notice that reference to mental health. Depression also comes into play. Research shows they are related, but it’s thought to be bidirectional. That means that the more depressed you are, the more you engage in unhealthy eating and physical activity habits; and the more you engage in these behaviors, the more depressed you become. It creates a vicious cycle from which it’s tough to break.

More from APA’s stress survey

Obesity and depression are often exacerbated by stress. Those who suffer from these conditions report that they are unable to take the necessary steps to relieve their stress or improve their health and, therefore, engage in maladaptive coping behaviors.

• People with depression (27 percent) or obesity (24 percent) are more likely than the general population (20 percent) to report feeling dissatisfied with their lives and less likely (76 percent for the general population vs. 69 percent for those depressed or obese) to report feeling satisfied with family relationships.
• Those with depression (33 percent) or who are obese (28 percent) are significantly more likely than the general public (21 percent) to say they do not think they are doing enough to manage their stress.
• As compared to the general public (11 percent), more people who are obese (34 percent) or depressed (22 percent) report that their disabilities or health issues prevent them from making positive changes in their lives (i.e., reducing stress and improving health).

The good news is that research shows that depression, obesity, and stress share common effective treatments. Each can be improved (i.e., increased positive mood, weight loss, and lower stress) by a variety of methods, including cognitive (the way we think) and behavioral (what we do) components.

Here are two techniques to help you started on the road to a happier, healthier, more relaxed life.

Rate your mood before and after an activity. Then, rate your feelings of accomplishment before and after this activity. Begin to recognize those that improve your mood (not just in the moment, but later on) and make you feel better about yourself.

You may find that some of your favorite activities (Friday morning trips to the donut shop or Tuesday night carryout pizza) may cause momentary happiness, but lower your self-confidence in making positive choices or decreased physical health that creates more stress and depressed feelings.

Move more and sit less. Research has linked higher BMIs (indication of overweight) with higher rates of screen time (time spent with TV, video games, cell phones, computer, etc). Make your goal simple. Say something like “I will get a few tasks accomplished before I plop down on the sofa and catch up on TV.” For kids, this could be as simple as having them pick up their belongings and engage in a productive, physical activity prior to watching TV or playing video games.

By starting with these two things, you may find that you are identifying activities that make you less stressed, help you get healthier, and improve your interactions with others. You’re putting down that stress chisel, and improving your mental and physical health.

Photo by practicalowl (via Flickr)

APA released its annual Stress in America survey yesterday, and we have again found that our nation is under pressure. Yes, average stress levels have declined somewhat from their max in 2007 and 2008, but that was at a time of extreme economic uncertainty when the housing crisis began to bubble, and the nation’s economy was on the cliff, about to take a deep fall.

But even as the nation’s economy begins to improve, we found that yet again, the majority of people surveyed said they are experiencing very high degrees of stress at levels that are higher than they consider healthy.

Our snapshot of stress is even bleaker for those who said they are caregivers or living with a chronic condition. Caregivers reported higher levels of stress, poorer health and a greater tendency to engage in unhealthy behaviors to alleviate their stress than the general public. They report feeling overwhelmed by the amount of care their aging or chronically ill family member require of them.

And those with chronic conditions, such as depression, obesity and Type 2 diabetes, are also caught in a vicious cycle. They said they were unable to take necessary steps to reduce their stress and engaged in unhealthy behaviors to manage their stress, thereby reducing their ability to appropriately manage their illness.

We have said for years that people need to be more aware of their stress levels; need to recognize what triggers stress for them; need to recognize how stress can damage their health; and need to manage their stress more effectively.

But while the majority of Americans know this is true, let’s face it, change isn’t easy.

There are a lot of reasons that Americans aren’t taking better care of their stress and their bodies. I believe, along with many others, that while we’re all responsible for our own health, change cannot happen in a vacuum. Aside from individual efforts, supportive social and community networks, as well as a responsive health-care system are needed to help individuals make the changes needed for better health.

We all need to think differently about health and illness.

Most chronic conditions can be prevented by better managing our stress and making better choices about our nutrition, activity level, alcohol and tobacco use, and our strategies for managing stress. By understanding the relationship between stress and chronic illness, we can all take steps to make better choices.

Psychologists working side by side with physicians—as part of someone’s personal health-care team—enhance the possibility that health care focuses on the whole person, not just an illness. Access to the right kind of care from the right kind of health-care provider must be assured in our evolving health care system. More focus on prevention will save lives and health-care dollars in the long run.

We need big changes in our evolving health-care system.

I believe they can happen. They need to happen.

Until then, do your best to make small changes and practice better stress management strategies.

• Engage understanding people who support the changes you want to make for yourself.
• Increase your activity level, and make better food choices.
• Set realistic expectations.

And if your efforts aren’t paying off for you, consider talking to a psychologist who can help you identify and remove those barriers that are standing in the way of the changes you want.

Photos by hradcanska and yourdon (via Flickr)

If you’re like most mothers, your first inclination is to protect your children. How can you tell them about your diagnosis without upsetting them? You can’t.

On the other hand trying to shield your kids can backfire. Even if you avoid mentioning that you have cancer, they will sense that something is wrong, just from your behavior. Or they might overhear snippets of your discussions on the phone. Not knowing exactly what is wrong will magnify their anxiety.

Research shows that children who know the facts have less anxiety than those who don’t. Therefore, it is important to tell your kids about your diagnosis, but wait until you have a specific plan about what treatment you’ll be getting and how it’s likely to affect family life.

The first time you talk about this with your children, do so at home, in person. Have their father present if possible. It’s best to have the conversation earlier in the day rather than at bedtime. Explain your condition in a matter-of-fact way that is appropriate for their age.

• Older children can handle more detail than younger children. Don’t avoid saying “breast cancer.” It’s an ugly phrase, but the more you say it out loud, the less threatening it will feel to you and to others
• Very young children will be most concerned about what your diagnosis means for them. Will you have to go away to the hospital? Who is going to take care of them? How is their life going to change? 
• Older children will be concerned about these things as well, but they will also worry that you’ll die. While you can’t promise that you won’t, you can reassure them that the chance of survival is far greater than in the past.

Talking with your kids is not a once-and-done conversation. Just as it took a while for you to process the diagnosis (and you may still be doing so) it will take some time for them to grasp what’s happening. They may ask questions at random times, such as while riding with you in the car, when watching TV, or in the middle of their homework. When such questions come up, they usually reflect worry, even if their tone of voice sounds casual.

To help ease your children’s anxiety, answer questions immediately, if possible, and factually. Even if you’ve stated the same facts several times before, your kids may still need to hear them again.

More information on talking about your cancer diagnosis: The American Cancer Society

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Early-onset dementia is a rare form of the disorder where the onset of the cognitive symptoms begins before the age of 65. It has been estimated that less than 5 percent of all those who have a dementia diagnosis fall into this category. Most who are diagnosed are in their 50s, although there have been documented cases of people in their 30s and 40s with the disease.

Early-onset dementia has a unique set problems: Those receiving the diagnosis at a younger age are often still in careers, have younger children, and can have difficulty finding support services for which they are eligible. In order to maximize a person’s ability to participate in normal daily activities, as well as take full advantage of the treatments available, early identification remains a priority.

Obtaining an accurate diagnosis of the disease, however, can be challenging. Many health care professionals consider dementia to be exclusive to older adults, and therefore the signs and symptoms of the early-onset variant are often misdiagnosed. Further complicating the matter is that the symptoms of early-onset dementia can vary, with memory loss not always being the most notable symptom initially. Personality changes, altered judgment, difficulty with problem-solving, or increased confusion in familiar tasks are only a few examples of the cognitive changes that can be observed.

When she made her diagnosis public, Coach Summit voiced her determination to continue coaching and to fight the disease. In doing so, she has given countless others with the disease a reason to fight.

It is worth noting that Coach Summit spoke clearly about her intention to use her support system to help cope with the challenges ahead. The importance of having the support of friends and loved ones cannot be overstated. Understanding that you are not alone and that support is available is often the first step to healthy coping.

If you have concerns about your cognitive health, or that of a loved one, it is important to talk to a physician or mental health professional who specializes in these types of medical issues. The only way to determine whether memory changes are related to normal aging, or possibly a more serious condition, is to be evaluated. Psychologists offer a number of tests that can help identify dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

For more information, please visit any of the other blog entries on aging, or view the helpful information on websites for the Alzheimer’s Association and the Mayo Clinic.

Photos by aaronisnotcool and Tennessee Journalist (via Flickr)