Imagine if you’d spent as much time learning to understand your emotions as you did learning to read, write and count. Unfortunately, like most of us, you likely received very little education or guidance in this area, surrendering your emotions to chance.

That often doesn’t work out too well.

Life is complicated and people are even more so. The chances are that at some point, we are faced with some difficult and emotionally challenging situations involving loss, conflict or rejection. These stresses (all too common in this ongoing economy) can often cause us to feel anxious or a bit down. If you don’t have the emotional skills to understand and manage these feelings, and this cycle goes on long enough, it can lead to feeling depressed or out of control, causing major problems in everyday life.

But here’s the really good news. Even if you weren’t blessed back in the days of the 3 Rs in school with learning how to understand and manage your emotions, it’s not too late!

Psychotherapy is a remarkably effective technique that helps you take back emotional control of your life and live better. Through the context of the therapeutic relationship, the therapist teaches you important skills for understanding and managing difficult emotions in your present life, but also helps you to retain these skills so you can apply them in future situations. Psychotherapy has the power to not only make you feel better, but to positively change the course of your life. As a practicing psychologist, I see evidence of this every day in my office.

Recently a group of psychologists produced a video for the public, which beautifully and evocatively illustrates the powers of psychotherapy. Take a look for yourself.

If you are unsure of how to find a good psychotherapist, you can start with talking to your primary care physician. (Psychotherapy is covered by most major insurance providers, as well as Medicare and Medicaid.) You can also check out the APA’s Psychologist Locator Service for a list of psychologists–doctors trained to listen and help–in your area.

Don’t leave your emotions to chance. Consider psychotherapy–take control of your emotional life now, and learn to hold on to it forever.

Photo by room_onfire (via Flickr)

If you’re like most mothers, your first inclination is to protect your children. How can you tell them about your diagnosis without upsetting them? You can’t.

On the other hand trying to shield your kids can backfire. Even if you avoid mentioning that you have cancer, they will sense that something is wrong, just from your behavior. Or they might overhear snippets of your discussions on the phone. Not knowing exactly what is wrong will magnify their anxiety.

Research shows that children who know the facts have less anxiety than those who don’t. Therefore, it is important to tell your kids about your diagnosis, but wait until you have a specific plan about what treatment you’ll be getting and how it’s likely to affect family life.

The first time you talk about this with your children, do so at home, in person. Have their father present if possible. It’s best to have the conversation earlier in the day rather than at bedtime. Explain your condition in a matter-of-fact way that is appropriate for their age.

• Older children can handle more detail than younger children. Don’t avoid saying “breast cancer.” It’s an ugly phrase, but the more you say it out loud, the less threatening it will feel to you and to others
• Very young children will be most concerned about what your diagnosis means for them. Will you have to go away to the hospital? Who is going to take care of them? How is their life going to change? 
• Older children will be concerned about these things as well, but they will also worry that you’ll die. While you can’t promise that you won’t, you can reassure them that the chance of survival is far greater than in the past.

Talking with your kids is not a once-and-done conversation. Just as it took a while for you to process the diagnosis (and you may still be doing so) it will take some time for them to grasp what’s happening. They may ask questions at random times, such as while riding with you in the car, when watching TV, or in the middle of their homework. When such questions come up, they usually reflect worry, even if their tone of voice sounds casual.

To help ease your children’s anxiety, answer questions immediately, if possible, and factually. Even if you’ve stated the same facts several times before, your kids may still need to hear them again.

More information on talking about your cancer diagnosis: The American Cancer Society

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• Are mornings too chaotic? Although it is not uncommon for parents to say that school mornings are often frantic and hectic, it might be useful to assess what would make them less so. Identify what might be the source of the primary stress and seek alternatives solutions. For example, if the kids take too long to get ready, you can get them up earlier, have them pick out their clothes the night before, or get them to bed earlier so that they are ready to get going in the morning.
• Are you over-scheduled? It is okay to limit the number of extracurricular activities your kids are involved in, especially if you have more than one child. You can have them choose one after school activity (sport, class) that they can do and enjoy. They might get more out of being involved in one after school activity they enjoy rather than several activities that they may dread doing.  And, as a parent, you might be more present and less overwhelmed if you do not have to run around along with them.
• Are electronics turned off long before bedtime? Studies have shown that kids’ brains need time to turn off before they can fall asleep after playing video games or watching TV. To make sure they are getting the rest they need, establish a bedtime routine that includes no video games, online activity, game playing on their phones, or TV viewing for at least one hour before bedtime. Lack of good sleep can lead to less cooperative behaviors the next day and difficulties at school.

Ultimately, our job as parents is to help our children make good choices and develop life skills that will guide them for life. It is never too early to get started on good habits and to learn how to prioritize.  We can be their best tutor—by modeling.

Photo via: FreeFoto.com

We look forward to reading — and sharing — your posts tomorrow. Who knows what kind of difference it can make in educating more people and changing perceptions and views about what it means to live a healthy life.

If you’re participating in the event, be sure we know about it. Here’s how you can let us know:

• Use the blog badge code (it helps us to track links)
• Post your link in the comments of this blog post.
• Send an email to blogparty@yourmindyourbody.org
• Mention it to @APAHelpCenter on Twitter. Use #mhblogday as a hashtag (mental health blog day, naturally)
• Add your link to our update on APA’s Facebook page (we’ll post a status update tomorrow morning, so you can start commenting and adding links.)

We’ll be updating our blog throughout the day with your links and posts. And if you write something late on Wednesday night, that’s OK too. We’ll share it on Thursday morning.

Thanks for joining us again this year. Words can change lives — let’s see how many we can change in one day.

“I am overwhelmed…”

“I am going crazy…”

“I need a break…”

We have even gotten to the point where being stressed has become the thing-to-do. I have had people tell me that if they are not constantly busy, they feel as if they are not doing their part. We seem to be wearing our stress as a badge of honor and endurance. But at what cost? Are we any happier or more fulfilled?

In the past few decades, we have seen an increase in the number of hours Americans spend at work and away from their families, creating a struggle to find work-life balance. In comparison to other industrialized nations, generally, U.S .workers have less vacation time and take less time off — even when they have earned paid leave.

How does this affect our mental health?

First, we need to define mental health. Good mental health is not just the absence of psychological concerns. It is a resilient spirit that lifts us when we are down, helps us heal when we are hurt, that gives us inner strength when we are burdened.

Then, it’s time to ask yourself some questions to help take stock of your own mental health.

• Do you feel you have balance in your life? If the answer is no, then it might be time to assess what or who is stripping it away. Balance can only be achieved if we make a decision to work toward it. It does not happen magically nor can it be bought.

• Do you regularly engage in behaviors that are nurturing for you? Kids may not the only ones who need a “time-out.” Adults can also benefit from making time to recharge. It may take a good book, good company or a good walk.  Find what works for you and use it.

• Do you surround yourself with positive people that make you want to be a better person? Negativity can be contagious. Be aware of those individuals in your life that drain you and limit your time with them. Invite people into your life that want to better themselves and grow. It makes the journey of life much more enjoyable!

• Are you clear on your values? How you spend your resources (time, money, energy) should reflect your true priorities. By intentionally making decisions that match your values, you can experience greater happiness and authenticity in your life.

Mental health affects all aspects of our lives. When you take charge of it, you can make a big difference in how you live, love, and even how often you laugh. Today is a great time to start!

Photo by Jeff Henshaw via Flickr