Two weeks ago, Alice Morrin, a 43-year-old mother of two and a beloved employee of Fox 61 television in Connecticut, was shot and killed by her husband while still on the phone with a 911 dispatcher. Her two children were at home. He then killed himself. She had filed for a divorce in April.

A week later, Richard Shenkman, kidnapped his estranged wife, an attorney, as they were about to go to court to settle issues related to their divorce. She managed to escape after many hours. But he then set their house on fire.

We also heard about, a talented football player, Steve McNair, who was brutally shot in his sleep by a jealous girlfriend.

When you listen to people who knew the victims or individuals who committed these acts of brutality, they have said there were signs. Friends knew “things weren’t good” between Alice and her husband. But no one could or wanted to think the worst. Richard Shenkman was known to have anger problems. Steve McNair’s girlfriend had bought a gun.

In the U.S., every 9 seconds a woman is physically abused by her husband. Each year, 7 percent of women who are married or living with someone as a couple are physically abused. Domestic violence occurs in every race, religion and socioeconomic group. Both men and women can be victims, though more women are victimized. The abuse is repetitive in nature and escalates.

We can’t go back and save Alice Morrin or Steve McNair. But we can help people recognize signs of abuse and help them identify times of increased risk. We know that the first two years after separation or filing for a divorce put victims of abuse at very high risk for physical harm and death. Pregnancy is also a very high risk period for female victims of abuse.

Here is a list of ways that abusers hurt their victims. They are known as the red flags of abuse.

• Intimidation: They frighten you by using looks, actions and gestures. The offender may smash things, destroy your property, abuse pets or display weapons.
• Emotional abuse: They like putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself. They may call you names, make you think you are crazy, play mind games, humiliate you and make you feel it is your fault.
• Isolation: They control what you do, who you see and talk to. They are constantly trying to check your calls on your cell phone, limit where you go and who you see. They use jealousy to justify their behavior.
• Minimizing, denying and blaming: They make light of the abuse and deny your concerns about it. They may say the abuse didn’t happen or say that you caused it.
• Using children: They make you feel guilty about the children, use the kids to relay messages or threaten to take the children away. They may use visitation issues, child support or alimony to harass you.
• Use of male privilege: Men have traditionally had more power in our society. Male abusers may treat you like a servant, make all of the big decisions, act like they are “master of the castle” and define both of your roles.
• Economic abuse: They may prevent you from getting or keeping a job. They may force you to ask for money, give you an allowance, take your money or not allow you to have access to or gain information about family income.
• Use of coercion or threats:  The abuser may make or carry out threats to do something to hurt you, commit suicide, report you to child welfare, drop legal charges or restraining orders. They may force you to do illegal acts.

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