Your Mind Your Body

I don’t have too many hard and fast rules for parents. We all have our own styles. Some things work best for one individual or family. Others have different parenting styles that work best for them. Some parents spank. Others yell. But as long as the adult is not out of control when they are discipling their kids and the kids aren’t being abused I am able to support different parenting styles.  However, I am pretty adament about kids learning to sleep in their own beds. I am aware that some individuals and even some professionals recommend a “family bed”. However, there are many reasons why I disagree with this phliosophy. First, there are safety issues. Infants can fall out of beds when you are asleep. If infants are placed in the middle of a couple, they can suffocate or be crushed. So, if you want an infant near you during the night to make nursing easier, please consider using one of the side attachers, so that the baby has his/her own crib right next to your bed.

Now comes the bigger problem. Children who insist on sleeping only in your bed and those who get up out of their beds and come to your room during the night. I have spoken with so many tired, frustrated parents who insist their children can’t handle being in their own beds. Or, parents tell me that they don’t hear the kids come into their beds during the night and just wake up to find them there. When you have children sleeping in your bed for any period of time, the issue is really about you…not the kids. It is important to ask yourself why you are not able to stop this behavior. Are you or your spouse avoiding being intimate with each other? Are you lonely after a divorce? Whatever the reason, it is not helping your child to sleep with you. For one, it is a crossed boundary. Your bed is the marital bed or your bed…not the family bed. Secondly, your child is not learning to self-soothe if the only thing that settles him down is sleeping with you. And thirdly, your child is not learning to establish a private space for himself to relax and sleep.

I know that making your child sleep in his own room after being allowed to sleep with you for any extended length of time may seem challenging. Your child will fight you on this. But honestly, it is the very, very rare occasion that this problem can’t be solved in two weeks. Let your child know they will be spending the night in their room. Put in a nightlight or leave the light on in the closet. Teach them relaxation techniques to help them fall asleep. If you don’t know any, a child psychologist can teach you and your child some great and short relaxation skills. Each time your child comes into your room at night, bring him immediately back to his room. It is far better to have you lay down on their floor or even next to them in their bed for a short time until they fall back to sleep. You can then return to your bed. I also think it is perfectly fine to use a behavior chart. Give your child a very small reward for each night he/she remains in his/her room all night. A bigger reward can be given after two weeks of successful sleeping in his own bed. You will be tired initially, but, after two weeks of being firm with this rule, you will all be sleeping better.

Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors