Your Mind Your Body

Growing up in the 1960s, I used to hear my mother and aunts talk in hushed tones about “the change.”  The country at the time was in awe of putting a man on the moon, and I figured this had something to do with some alien transformation. It seemed very scary indeed. I soon  learned in school about all things related to sexual development, menstruation and pregnancy, but never the dreaded ”change.”

Later, I went to graduate school in psychology, and I don’t recall a single course in female sexuality or menopause that was offered at the time. After I started my practice in psychology, I began seeing many middle-aged women complaining of  symptoms of confusion, memory loss and depression, but I was not sure, nor,were they, what was happening to them. I began to study this area in more detail.

Then I hit perimenopause, and I finally realized what these women were talking about.

Perimenopause is the period of several years when a woman’s body begins to slow its production of estrogen and progesterone and eventually stops producing female sexual hormones. It’s more than just hot flashes. There are a whole lot of other symptoms that are even more debilitating, and they end up making women feel they are going crazy.

The fogginess women complain about quietly to themselves (and secretly worry is a sign of early dementia) is in fact, a very common  problem related to the rapid decline of estrogen. Many women suddenly have trouble naming a common object or familiar person and may lose their train of thought in the middle of a sentence. This can cause tremendous embarassment or shame, especially in a work situation. This loss of estrogen also affects many womens’ moods, leading to mild-moderate depression, mood swings and fatigue.

Many women also feel less libido at the same time, leading to feelings of being “old” and ”not attractive” anymore. And all of this is happening at the same time that their adolescent children are becoming more sexually vital and are about to leave home.

If we can put men on the moon, and develop cures for all sorts of cancers, why can’t we come up with better treatments for perimenopausal symptoms? Especially since the widespread use of hormone replacement therapy has been generally discontinued in the last few years, many women have been left with very few medical options. We desperately need sophisticated clinical research into treatments that combine mind/body approaches and approach perimenopause/menopause as a normal phase of life.

So how’s a woman to cope in the meantime? 

Recognize that while the perimenopause “journey” is very individualized, it does not mean you should have to suffer ”the change” in private and in shame. We know that a woman who feels empowered to take charge of her health and her life, feels better emotionally and physically.

Talk to your health care provider about medical, nutritional, stress reduction and exercise options that might be right for you. Ask questions about new approaches. Draw support and strength by talking to your female friends who are coping with similar concerns. Focus on what you can control and try to let go of the stuff you can’t control (like the occasional lost word or hot flash).

Most importantly, recognize that perimenopause is a normal rite of passage. Almost all women, when they complete the ups and downs of perimenopause  and enter into the stability of the menopause, feel more “normal,” loss foggy and more in control. Many women actually feel a heightened sense of energy and libido at this point. Now, that’s finally something to celebrate!

Filed under: Aging, Women