Your Mind Your Body

I have spent much of my career working with both children and adults who have been victims of sexual assault. The results of sexual trauma can be devastating to victims and their families. April is Sexual Assault and Prevention Awareness Month.  Here are some startling facts:

1.       Every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted in the United States.

2.       Every year there are 207,754 victims of sexual assault.

3.       44% of victims are under age 18.

4.       80 % of victims are under age 30.

5.       2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.

6.       38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance of the victim.

7.       54% of these crimes are not reported to the police.

There are different types of sexual assault. But the bottom line is that the victim is forced through threats, coercion, abuse of power or through physical means to engage in sexual behavior against their will. In about eight out of 10 rapes, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone can be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay, it doesn’t matter.

People are much more willing to report and talk about other types of crimes. If a purse is stolen or someone is physically beaten, victims have an easier time recognizing it was not their fault. But victims of sexual assualt often feel tremondous guilt and shame. It is important to remember that rape is never the fault of the victim. However, we can reduce the risk of being sexually assaulted. The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) recommends the following safety steps.

• Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way to get out of a bad situation.
• Try to avoid isolated areas. It is more difficult to get help if no one is around.
• Walk with purpose. Even if you don’t know where you are going, act like you do.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation or location feels unsafe or uncomfortable, it probably isn’t the best place to be.
• Try not to load yourself down with packages or bags as this can make you appear more vulnerable.
• Make sure your cell phone is with you and charged and that you have cab money.
• Don’t allow yourself to be isolated with someone you don’t trust or someone you don’t know.
• Avoid putting music headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.

I would also add a couple of other tips.

•  Take a self defense class. This can be helpful teaching you how and when you may be able to briefly disarm your attacker in order to escape. Sometimes, however, the safest plan is to not fight back. You may be sexually assaulted but you may be more likely to survive, especially if the attacker has a weapon.
• Bring your own car when meeting someone for the first few times that you have met on-line, in a computer dating situation. And always meet in a public place.
• Be careful what you drink. High school students, college students and young adults should be especially careful to never take a drink they have not seen being made. And never drink something you have left unattended even when you go to the bathroom. Take your drink with you or get a new one. It is very easy for someone at a party to slip a date rape drug into your drink.

I recommend the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker to many of my patients. It is an excellent resource to help individuals learn to assess for danger and trust their instincts. Do yourself and those you love a favor. Get the book and share it with your friends. And if you have been a victim of sexual assault, please know that help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotlines at 1-800.656.HOPE, and online at rainn.org.

It is very important to talk about what happened. Speaking to a psychologist or other mental health professional trained to work with victims of sexual assault can help you not only survive the assault but thrive as you regain control of your life.

photo by Jarrad P via Flickr

Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors, Relationships, Stress, Women | No Comments »

By now, you’ve seen the video of the JetBlue captain who had to be restrained by several passengers after becoming combative, incoherent and out of control–a very scary scene for those passengers onboard. And who can forget the JetBlue flight attendant in 2010 who jumped down the emergency slide exiting the plane with a couple cans of beer? A few weeks ago, an American Airlines flight attendant lost control in flight as well.

Whats going on? Are airline crews suddenly becoming more stressed? Or is it something else?

As a psychologist married to a longtime commercial pilot, and as someone who treats pilots in my private practice, I don’t think these recent incidents mean we suddenly have a flight-crew instability crisis on our hands. What is clear, however, is that pilots worry that they will be penalized  if they admit they are stressed.

They also may worry that if they seek therapy, it will be viewed negatively, as a sign of weakness.

The safety of the flying public needs to be a priority. However, pilots who come forward and admit they are going through a difficult time and need help, should be encouraged to get that help, not face discrimination and penalties.

We know, for example, that psychotherapy is a very effective method of treating many forms of anxiety, stress and depression. And we know that people who voluntarily enter treatment, before a crisis, have a much better prognosis and are more compliant with any medications and lifestyle changes after treatment is completed.

So, how can we keep the flying public safe and at the same time, encourage pilots, who have treatable problems, to get the help they need, before their problem erupts into a potential crisis in flight?

The solution starts with education and public awareness that having stress and other emotional issues does not mean you are “crazy” or “dangerous”–it means you are human.

Getting help for your stress doesn’t mean you are weak; it means you are strong. It means you are resilient. It means you want to feel better.

Airplane pilots, crew are humans too. They feel stress. How can we help them cope? ow.ly/a3pgU #mhsm

— APAHelpCenter (@APAHelpCenter) April 3, 2012

Photos by Homies in Heaven and Kevin Dooley via Flickr

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Books have a powerful way of engaging our minds and emotions.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is no exception. A friend recommended the trilogy to me and I read (OK, devoured) them while on vacation in February. The movie (based on the first book) arrived in theaters this past weekend. Viewers of all ages came out in droves.

If you’re not familiar with the book or movie, the author brings us face-to-face with moral rights and wrongs that, at first glance, are easily interpreted as ludicrous and impossible. But are they?

A parent asked me if I thought it was OK for his child to read this book in school. This book, while classified as young adult fiction, draws upon some serious, heavy material. While developmental and cognitive functioning should be considered, I answered that kids are exposed to the book’s themes everyday. War, violence, societial trust, sense of belonging —  these are themes of the book that our children face, but often without good discussion.

You can use The Hunger Games to guide a discussion about difficult topics.

As a psychologist and a parent, this book and movie provided me a great opportunity to have a discussion with my college-aged son about relevant issues to our daily existence: survival, war, love, fear, motivation, hunger (in a broad sense).

Here are some general thoughts about how to discuss these issues with children, teens, and young adults.

Winning

• Winning, especially when doing so goes against personal values or morals, does not always bring happiness. Haymitch (and other winners) suffered greatly from the trauma associated with the games. They were forced to do things that were beyond what humans should be asked to do. Watching him seemed reminiscent of the PTSD experienced by many of our troops or young adults in life-threatening or abusive environments. This is an opportunity to talk to kids about how winning at all costs may have lasting negative consequences.

Motivators

• We are all motivated by a variety of factors, and motivation is powerful.
• Many were motivated by fear, hunger, love, greed, power, pleasure. Use the movie to discuss motivators and open up discussion about how motivations differ between people and can be both positive and negative.

Emotions

• We can experience a variety of emotions in one situation.
• Identifying our emotions and expressing them effectively can help us cope in the harshest of situations. Katniss was able to acknowledge her sadness during the games without being so distraught to put her own life in jeopardy. She used this emotion to propel her into action. She also felt love, fear, despair, and even slight happiness in unexpected moments. Her ability to find positive moments allowed her to think more clearly and stay calm in life-threatening moments. Emotions can be complicated, but so can many life situations.

Belongingness

• Belonging to something can be protective. However, it can also bring us to ruin if we belong to groups for the wrong reasons.
• This movie highlights the importance of trust and working together as ways to engage most effectively in life. One can see that even in the privileged Capitol, people collectively perpetuated a violent, unjust, horrific “game,” but individually many questioned its rationale. Katniss’ role in the games shifted perceptions and views about it. One person can make a difference when working toward doing what is right.

Rules

• Rules are important.
• We need rules, boundaries, consistency to feel safe.
• But rules without rationale and logic can be dangerous. One can discuss the development of a democratic society in the context of this movie. One cannot be exposed to the books or this movie without asking questions about democracy and checks and balances. There seems to be no fair judicial system in the Capitol. It’s easy to make a comparison to dictators and open up discussions with kids about vital lessons learned in history.

Parents need to decide for themselves if a book, movie or other media is appropriate for their own child. But it’s important to not avoid a book because it contains difficult topics that we adults are afraid to discuss. I hope the talking points provide a way for parents to have open and healthy conversations with their children or others about meaningful and relevant topics.

Did you watch or read The Hunger Games with your child? How did you talk about it afterward?

Photos by nomadic_lass  and Mosman Library via Flickr

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