Your Mind Your Body

The other day I was sitting in my office with a teen whose family recently had to seriously downsize their home because of her dad’s cut in pay. Although she initially denied minding the move, she became very upset when she told me that her parents refused to buy her the new shirt she wanted. “It only cost 15 dollars” she said. When I suggested she could get a job to earn money for things she wanted, she completely disagreed. She had no desire for a job. This was, after all, her parents fault. They had spoiled her! She pointed out to me that if they had not given her everything she wanted she would be less spoiled and better able to handle life. I wish I could say she was alone in her feelings. I see so many kids that feel so entitled to “things”. They throw major fits when they don’t get what they want. They threaten their parents, use foul language and call their parents by their first names. A few even threaten suicide. In many ways, I have to agree with the young client of mine. It is , at least in part, her parent’s fault. Although some children are more naturally grateful for what they have, many parents have succeeded in raising  very spoiled kids who are completely unprepared for the realities of life. They don’t want to have to earn things and many don’t take care of the things they have. They expect to always be winners and parents  do everything they can to make this happen. I keep thinking of the first verse of a song by Sheryl Crow, called Soak up the Sun.

“Soak Up The Sun”-Sheryl Crow

Holds meetings in his RV
I can’t afford his gas
So I’m stuck here watching TV
I don’t have digital
I don’t have diddly squat
It’s not having what you want
It’s wanting what you’ve got

During this same week, I received a flyer from Cross Country Education advertising a workshop entitled: Overindulged Children and Conduct Disorder: treating overindulgent families. They had listed numerous beliefs of overindulging that seem to backfire. Here are a few:

• My child must be happy constantly
• My child should have whatever he wants
• My child must be shielded from consequences
• Discipline shouldn’t be too tough
• I totally trust my child to behave
• I will correct all my parents’ mistakes
• I want to be my child’s friend

Here are a few ideas for parents to consider if they want healthier and less spoiled kids:

• Spend more time with your children and less money on them
• Promote unique skills and talents
• love them unconditionally; not because they won the game. They need love especially when they lose.
• Help them identify wants vs. needs
• Help them understand and accept realistic strengths and limitations
• Teach/role model respect for everyone
• Promote/role model good values
• Teach/role model good problem solving skills 

Current reality in this economic climate is forcing many families to go back to basics. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned in that. And perhaps we can all start wanting and enjoying what we have!

Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors, Uncategorized