Your Mind Your Body

Every fall approximately two million high school graduates become college students in the U.S. and there are just as many parents who wonder how they are going to manage this new phase of their family life. Even when parents feel that their children are well-prepared to go to college, there are a number of concerns that I often hear from parents of college students: Will they make good decisions? Will they be safe? Will they make good friends? Will they miss me as much as I miss them?

Here are a few tips for parents on how to best manage their son or daughter’s transition to college:

Give your son or daughter the space they need to settle into their college life. They need to make new connections and learn to navigate their college experience. If they are going to college close to home, do not expect them to come home every weekend. This can be very disruptive to their college experience. In fact, it is important for parents to encourage and support their child to stay on campus on weekends during that first semester.

Avoid becoming a “helicopter” parent. Show that you care and ask questions, but do not demand to know their every move. If you hover over every decision your son or daughter is making, you will rob them from the opportunity to learn how to problem-solve and engage in effective decision-making.

Support and encourage school involvement. The college experience is more than academics. Extracurricular activities often make a difference in their adjustment to college and might help them stay in school. Encourage your child to be proactive and join academic and/or social clubs.

Understand that your role is shifting from parent to “consultant”. Your son or daughter needs someone to listen, reassure, and to help him/her come to reasonable conclusions. If you tell them what to do or do it for them, the message might be that you do not trust that they can handle it. Support them. Believe in them. They will notice.

Some change is inevitable and even beneficial. Your son or daughter will change. This would be true even if they did not go to college. Remember that change does not have to be negative and that individual development requires change and takes time.

Let your student learn to cope with disappointment. Often when they feel overwhelmed, they seek the comfort of home. Perhaps unfairly, this might be when they actively seek to be in contact with you. They vent with you and move on to their next activity. Encourage them to do so. However, be patient and try not to overreact. Listening and waiting is one of the many roles that parents are called to play during the college years and beyond.

They do miss you. Although they might be busy adjusting to their new college life, they likely miss the comfort and familiarity of home. Do not make homesickness an issue just because you miss them. Trust that even if they do not tell you, they are thinking of you.

Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors, Parenting, Relationships, Stress, Work/Life