Ten years later, for most of us, life has moved on. We’ve experienced weddings, births, new jobs, new milestones. Americans are resilient, and we learned just how true that was in the years after 9/11. But anniversaries, especially the ones which seem to be significant, can make many adults and children experience reactions to memories and images related to 9/11.

What are anniversary feelings and why do they happen to us?

When a highly traumatic event happens in our lives, it is common to experience a host of feelings in the days and weeks prior to, the day of, and after the anniversary.  For example, you may have trouble sleeping and feel more tired. You can’t get upsetting images out of your mind. You find it hard to concentrate, cry more, startle more easily. You might feel generally more nervous or just off. You may feel uncomfortable being alone and have a stronger desire to be with friends or family.  These symptoms are likely to go away on their own soon after the anniversary date.

What can trigger an anniversary reaction?

The triggers of an anniversary reaction are as individual as each person who experienced the day. For some, it could be memories and images from the actual event. For others, it could be watching retrospective news coverage and television documentaries. Still there are those who may feel discomfort hearing emergency sirens, traveling on a plane, or evacuating a tall building through a stairwell.

What are more serious reactions?  

For some individuals, the 9/11 anniversary will trigger more serious symptoms related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. These symptoms may have started soon after 9/11 or months or years later. Symptoms can be retriggered during anniversaries of overwhelming and frightening events. While most reactions to anniversaries go away on their own, the symptoms of PTSD often do not. This is when it’s important to talk to a mental health professional.

What are some ways to acknowledge 9/11 and my grief? 

We all cope differently and have different needs around dates of traumatic events.  Some individuals will just make a mental note of the date and not give it much more thought.  For others, however, it is important to “do” something to mark the date, experience and loss.  Consider some of these options:

• Take time to be with family or friends. Stay connected instead of being alone.
• Or be alone. Disconnect from the news and visit a park, lake or someplace outdoors. Take time out of a hike to reflect on the quiet, calm and beauty around you.
• Visit a grave or memorial site of a loved one, friend or colleague, if it brings you comfort in any way.
• Attend a community, school or faith-based event in remembrance of 9/11.
• Make a donation to your local emergency responders association, such as a fire, police or EMS department.
• Light a candle in memory of someone special or to mark the day.
• Plant a tree or flowers in memory of someone special. Create and nurture a garden at home or in the community.
• Write about your feelings and what they day means to you now.
• Make a commitment to volunteer with an organization or cause you support.
• Create a new tradition so the day has a positive meaning.

Whatever you chose to do or not do to mark 9/11, remember to take good care of yourself.  It’s common during difficult and more stressful times to forget about good nutrition, exercise and relaxation just at the time when they may be most important to our health and well-being.  The 10^th anniversary of 911 is certainly likely to be a powerful day for so many individuals, families, communities, organizations and countries.

Remember, you were not alone 10 years ago experiencing the day America changed. And you are not alone in your grief 10 years later.

Photo by ClatieK (via Flickr)

RELATED VIDEO

Psychologist Rosemary Schwartzbard, PhD, talks about how 9/11 has become an emotional milestone for many people and discusses how people can change the meaning of the day. Dr. Schwartzbard was one of the psychologists on scene at the Pentagon immediately following the events of September 11.

As a psychologist, I think a lot about creating and maintaining mental health.  It’s a challenge that each of us face daily. 

For example, how do we:

• keep our stress at healthy levels?
• maintain strong relationships?
• utilize good communication skills with friends, co-workers, and neighbors?
• manage conflict when it arises?
• understand our moods, what affects them, and how they affect others?

Creating and maintaining mental health can be a tricky business.  But sometimes we have the skills to cope with life’s challenges and stressors–and don’t even give ourselves credit! 

That’s often the case with creativity.  Many of us use creative outlets to help manage stress, frustration, disappointment, but don’t realize the good we are doing in terms of our mental health. Research has shown creative outlets and creativity can be helpful as a part of therapy.

Quilting bees, “paint and sip,” art studios and scrapbooking nights: These and many other techniques have been used by women for generations to talk through problems, brainstorm solutions, and simply have a place to blow off steam.

Embrace the creative outlets you already use, and give them credit for what they are: effective, highly do-able, and super fun ways to keep up mental health.  Need some ideas on how to get creative?  Check out the blog party on my own blog, Dr. Stephanie , CREATE Mental Health.  Happy creating!

Does taking time out to be creative help you destress? Help you find balance? Tell me what activities you like best.

Photos by justmakeit and Contemporary Jewish Museum via Flickr

We look forward to reading — and sharing — your posts tomorrow. Who knows what kind of difference it can make in educating more people and changing perceptions and views about what it means to live a healthy life.

If you’re participating in the event, be sure we know about it. Here’s how you can let us know:

• Use the blog badge code (it helps us to track links)
• Post your link in the comments of this blog post.
• Send an email to blogparty@yourmindyourbody.org
• Mention it to @APAHelpCenter on Twitter. Use #mhblogday as a hashtag (mental health blog day, naturally)
• Add your link to our update on APA’s Facebook page (we’ll post a status update tomorrow morning, so you can start commenting and adding links.)

We’ll be updating our blog throughout the day with your links and posts. And if you write something late on Wednesday night, that’s OK too. We’ll share it on Thursday morning.

Thanks for joining us again this year. Words can change lives — let’s see how many we can change in one day.

When any form of catastrophe strikes—from household fires to major earthquakes—people are often bombarded with images of grief. We know that loss, while distressing and upsetting, is a natural part of life. But when it hits us unexpectedly, we can be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness.

How any one reacts to death varies, and so does each person’s way to cope with grief. Psychologists have learned through research how people grieve, why some people struggle with loss more than others, and how specially trained professionals can help people continue living their own lives and find personal meaning.

From their research, psychologists have learned that:

• Most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time, social support and taking good care of themselves.
• People move through their grief at their own pace. For some people, it may take a few months or even a year to fully move on. But other people may be feeling better within just weeks. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve, and everyone is on a timeline that works best for them.
• The stages of grief are not really a linear process. We’ve all heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But new research is challenging that popular notion. Scientists are now reporting that most people do not go through the stages as progressive steps, and some research even indicates the five stages may not even exist.

One key to developing a healthy response to grief is resilience. Human beings are resilient. And most people can endure loss and then continue on with their own lives.

But some people may struggle with grief for long periods of time and be unable to carry out daily activities. These people could be experiencing complicated grief, and may benefit from the help of a psychologist or licensed mental health professional who specializes in grief.

Psychologists are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that is often associated with the death of a loved one. Informed by research, psychologists can help people build their resilience and develop strategies to get through their sadness.

Letting go of your grief does not mean letting go of people you miss. You can celebrate their lives in special ways that keeps their memory alive. Some people choose to plant trees, pass on a family name to a baby, or donate money to a charity of scholarship fund. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you to recognize your loved one and move on with living.

Loss is forever but grief is not. Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that many can find a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction.

Photos by rafaelnc and pumpkinpie (via flickr)

Of course, I couldn’t go back and choose a different path. It was done. So, what was I to do about that guilt?

I reminded myself that mistakes happen. I am not the first person to hurt another’s feelings, and as long as I live, I will be prone to doing it again. We make mistakes.

In cognitive-behavioral therapy, such self-talk would be considered a type of “reframe” or an “alternative thought.” A recent article in the New York Times Health section gave me a more specific and apt name for such personal reminders: self-compassion.

Self-compassion should not be thought of only as a “reframe.” According to the research by its pioneer, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is made up of three important components:

• Responding to yourself with understanding in the face of failure or pain
• Recognizing your own experience as part of the larger human experience (i.e., we all make mistakes and feel pain)
• Remaining aware of painful emotion while neither denying it nor being consumed by it.

As I read about this concept, I felt a need to be cautious. I wanted to resist the temptation to turn self-compassion into what I wanted it to be—in the way that the concept of self-esteem has resulted in confused parents, teachers, and coaches wondering what to say and not to say to children about their efforts and their errors. We miss out on the opportunity for genuine self-esteem when we dilute it to meaning simply good feelings about the self.

Similarly, if I see self-compassion simply as consolation in the face of all my failings, I am sure something will be missing. Dr. Neff explains as much on her website: Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it doesn’t mean there is no sacrifice to be made; it does not ignore others.

Developing worthwhile traits like self-compassion takes more than the effort to read this blog post. If you want to explore self-compassion, a good resource is Dr. Neff’s website, where you can consider ways to apply it to your own life.

And that brings me back to my “foot in the mouth” experience a short time ago. In reminding myself that others sometimes make similar mistakes, it occurred to me that the people I offended might also have been in my place before. This reminder of the human experience allowed me to apologize and ask for understanding.

Self-compassion reminded me to express compassion to those I hurt by apologizing. In turn, they accepted that apology and expressed understanding back to me in return. If that’s what self-compassion leads to, then that’s a concept I want to read more about.