We look forward to reading — and sharing — your posts tomorrow. Who knows what kind of difference it can make in educating more people and changing perceptions and views about what it means to live a healthy life.

If you’re participating in the event, be sure we know about it. Here’s how you can let us know:

• Use the blog badge code (it helps us to track links)
• Post your link in the comments of this blog post.
• Send an email to blogparty@yourmindyourbody.org
• Mention it to @APAHelpCenter on Twitter. Use #mhblogday as a hashtag (mental health blog day, naturally)
• Add your link to our update on APA’s Facebook page (we’ll post a status update tomorrow morning, so you can start commenting and adding links.)

We’ll be updating our blog throughout the day with your links and posts. And if you write something late on Wednesday night, that’s OK too. We’ll share it on Thursday morning.

Thanks for joining us again this year. Words can change lives — let’s see how many we can change in one day.

Of course, I couldn’t go back and choose a different path. It was done. So, what was I to do about that guilt?

I reminded myself that mistakes happen. I am not the first person to hurt another’s feelings, and as long as I live, I will be prone to doing it again. We make mistakes.

In cognitive-behavioral therapy, such self-talk would be considered a type of “reframe” or an “alternative thought.” A recent article in the New York Times Health section gave me a more specific and apt name for such personal reminders: self-compassion.

Self-compassion should not be thought of only as a “reframe.” According to the research by its pioneer, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is made up of three important components:

• Responding to yourself with understanding in the face of failure or pain
• Recognizing your own experience as part of the larger human experience (i.e., we all make mistakes and feel pain)
• Remaining aware of painful emotion while neither denying it nor being consumed by it.

As I read about this concept, I felt a need to be cautious. I wanted to resist the temptation to turn self-compassion into what I wanted it to be—in the way that the concept of self-esteem has resulted in confused parents, teachers, and coaches wondering what to say and not to say to children about their efforts and their errors. We miss out on the opportunity for genuine self-esteem when we dilute it to meaning simply good feelings about the self.

Similarly, if I see self-compassion simply as consolation in the face of all my failings, I am sure something will be missing. Dr. Neff explains as much on her website: Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it doesn’t mean there is no sacrifice to be made; it does not ignore others.

Developing worthwhile traits like self-compassion takes more than the effort to read this blog post. If you want to explore self-compassion, a good resource is Dr. Neff’s website, where you can consider ways to apply it to your own life.

And that brings me back to my “foot in the mouth” experience a short time ago. In reminding myself that others sometimes make similar mistakes, it occurred to me that the people I offended might also have been in my place before. This reminder of the human experience allowed me to apologize and ask for understanding.

Self-compassion reminded me to express compassion to those I hurt by apologizing. In turn, they accepted that apology and expressed understanding back to me in return. If that’s what self-compassion leads to, then that’s a concept I want to read more about.

December magazines, newspapers, and blogs are full of headlines like these.  Just as January headlines are often like these:

“Start the new year off right”
“Lose those holiday pounds by Valentine’s Day”

We know the holidays are a time when many of us overindulge and gain a few pounds.  And we know January 2nd is a time when many of us make resolutions about healthier lifestyles.  But what about mental health?  Is the pattern the same?  How many of us ignore signs and symptoms of psychological strife over the holidays–putting them off until after the new year?  Probably quite a few.

Worries about money, not feeling the requisite holiday cheer, coping with family drama, and pressure from friends and co-workers can plague anyone.  So why wait until after the first of the year to tend to your mental health?

Check out APA’s online resources for coping with holiday stress, read light-hearted tips for getting through December, or make an appointment with a psychologist in your area.  A professional can assist you in identifying strategies for managing stress and/or conflict.  Meeting with a psychologist a time or two during this season may be just what you need to ensure your holidays are indeed merry and bright.

Photo by ashleyrosex via flickr

Celebrities have been speaking out and producing videos for YouTube, sending messages to gay teens that “It Gets Better.” People around the country rallied online for “Spirit Day,” wearing purple on Oct. 20, showing their support of GLBT teens and awareness of the effects of bullying and suicide. Word of the event spread via Facebook, blogs and Twitter.

When I first wrote about the devastating impact of bullying earlier this year, I was unaware that bullying would soon hit me very close to home. A week later, my 15-year old daughter came home from her high school – Evanston Township, just north of Chicago – and mentioned that a group of students had put up a Facebook page called “Evanston Rats.” It was demeaning and humiliated students by name. The page was incredibly nasty, accusing other students of a variety of personal crimes, from stealing someone’s boyfriend to cheating on tests and much more.

Like most schools nowadays, ETHS has a strict no-bullying policy, and administrators immediately sprang to action. The principal quickly called all 4,000 parents, alerting them to the page, which was later taken down. The school notified police and launched an official investigation. All students were told, in no uncertain terms, that if they had participated in harassment and bullying, there would be disciplinary action.

Swift and bold action, indeed. But what happened next, is truly the most inspiring part of this story.

Many of the students took it upon themselves and developed a fresh and wonderful way to thwart the bullies. Two seniors created a Facebook group called “Evanston Mice,” designed for students to send positive, complimentary messages to their friends, classmates and even the teachers. Teens have wished each other happy birthday and complimented their classmates’ prowess in baseball or talent in singing. In just five days, over one third of the student body had joined the “Mice,”and it’s still going strong into another school year.

The students’ solution to the bullies was not only clever, but potentially more effective and long lasting than the more punitive solution imposed by the administrators. And psychologists know that positive support is much more effective in changing behavior than negative reinforcement or punishment.

We often want to blame or demonize the method to bullying – the Internet can spread any ridicule farther and wider than the heckling and mocking that was once seemingly limited  to the schoolyard. But the Internet and its many tools can also serve as a way to positively galvanize groups and people in a very public and quick way.

My daughter has shared with me the kind and thoughtful comments her friends have posted about each other, and maybe it’s just me, but I notice a kinder gentler tone when I am around the girls as well.

Photo by Daniel Greene (via flickr)

This constant cycle of negative thinking is called rumination. It could be commonly confused and even dismissed as feelings of worry. But ruminating and worrying are different because a ruminator not only worries about her problems, she worries about all her feelings about her problems and is not able to develop strategies to solve them.

Research has shown a strong link between rumination and depression, especially in women. Depression is one of the most common risks of suicide.

Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a psychologist and professor at Yale University, found that women are more prone to rumination, and that rumination is strongly associated with anxiety, substance abuse and bulimia in teenage girls. There’s even some evidence that links rumination to suicidal thinking. Ruminators are frequently more pessimistic about life and see fewer options to solve problems. While they desire more social support, ruminators often end up driving people away and actually develop fewer emotional connections, which can lead to more depression and loneliness.

You can see how rumination can create a cycle that seems impossible to break out of.

But there is some good news. While rumination can cause clinical symptoms, it’s also a behavior that can be changed—with the right help. It’s not enough to just talk about your problems. You need to learn techniques to halt the ruminating thoughts. That’s how long-term change can take place.

Here are some tips for ruminators –and you know who you are–gleaned from Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema and my own experience in helping those who seem to let their worries control them.

Worry the right way

Who hasn’t been told by well-meaning friends, “Oh, stop worrying so much?”

Besides not being very helpful, this kind of advice often makes someone feel worse. I have developed a strategy for my ruminating patients that often works: Teaching them a more efficient way to worry.

Pick a time everyday when you’re free to worry uninterrupted for 15-20 minutes. This could be in the shower in the morning, on the bus on the way to work, at lunch or after dinner. The only time that’s not good is before bed. No cheating allowed, so set a clock or kitchen timer.

When your time is right, start your worry exercise by closing your eyes and imagining that you’re taking your worries out of a file cabinet or drawer. Open your eyes and start worrying (many people find it’s helpful to write these worries on a notepad). Let yourself go to town with your worries! But at the end of the prescribed 15-20 minutes, you must stop.

Close your eyes again, imagine your worries going back in the drawer, only to be opened again the next day.

Open your eyes and go on with your day.

The idea is to lasso up your worries, rather than letting your worries or ruminations control you.

With regular practice, this technique works. For the first few weeks you might have a stray worrisome thought outside the time you give yourself to ruminate. That’s normal. Tell yourself you’re not going to give. Tell yourself that you must only worry during your allotted time, even if you’ve already done your worry time for the day. Like Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day” … and plan to worry the next day. After awhile, you’ll probably surprise yourself at just how well you can control your ruminations.

Get up and move

 Exercise distracts your mind and focuses more on activating the body’s healthy responses like pumping up the feel- good neurotransmitter, endorphin, lowering your blood pressure or promoting healthier sleep. 

Breathe

 Meditation, deep diaphragmatic breathing, biofeedback, yoga and other mind/body approaches help you relax. I recommend any of these techniques to my patients because they not only decrease anxiety and rumination but also slow down brain waves and restore a sense of calm and well-being.

Know that solutions are not simply black or white

 Ruminators often get stuck in all-or-nothing thinking and have a hard time seeing anything positive or hopeful in any situation. They’ll think, “I have to either stay in this dead end job and be miserable the rest of my life or quit and lose my house.”  But there are other solutions too.

Enlist the help of a trusted friend or therapist to help you problem solve other solutions to your worries. They exist–you’re just not seeing them. Stay focused on your immediate worries and don’t get caught up in the past, which of course, you can’t change.

By taking control of your worrisome thoughts and your ruminations, you’re  letting yourself live and feel better in the present. And that means you’re beginning to have more in control of your life.

Photo by  spaceodissey (via flickr)