When accidents happen, it’s important to talk to kids honestly about what has occurred.

Graphic and detailed information is typically not needed. Brief, accurate, and age-appropriate information can be provided, followed by lots of time for questions and discussion about kids’ thoughts about the incident.

An example might be: “Mrs. Jones was in a bike accident.  She fell from her bike and hurt her neck and broke her leg. When we see her next week she will have a few bandages on her face, a cast on her leg and will be using crutches.”

This might be followed by something like this: “You know, accidents happen.  So that’s why we wear bike helmets and ride on the sidewalks.”

Some other things to be aware of:

• Some kids won’t seem to care about the person who has experienced the trauma.  That’s OK, we all deal with things differently.  They may show concern at a later time, or not at all.
• Kids may become very concerned about their own safety and the safety of their loved ones. For example, in the above case a child might be nervous to ride their own bike following the trauma. Brief re-assurance and a review of safety precautions (helmets, etc) are appropriate.
• Children who have a history of trauma may have a particularly hard time when a new trauma arises, even if it doesn’t concern them directly. In this case, providing extra time for open-ended discussion about the past and current trauma is important.
• Kids who show symptoms of depression or anxiety may benefit from talking to a mental health professional, including a school counselor or psychologist. Symptoms might include, difficulty sleeping, lack of interest in previously pleasurable activities, increased tearfulness, and isolation/withdraw.  Kids might also complain of physical ailments like stomach and headaches.

Photo by mikemcilveen (via Flickr)

When we are stressed we have higher levels of a chemical (cortisol) that damages our system. It’s like a little hammer chiseling away at our healthy insides. (Watch the effects of stress on the body with this cool graphic.)

The problem is that not everyone understands just how unhealthy this is on our physical health. Because of this, many people may be less likely to use stress management strategies that improve their health.

Have you looked at the recent findings of APA’s Stress in America survey? This survey highlights the negative impact of stress on physical health, and it shows that not all survey respondents were aware of the connection.

According to the survey,

“Although the majority of adults understand that stress has a strong impact on a person’s health,  a sizeable minority still think that stress has only a slight or no impact on their own physical health (31 percent) and mental health (36 percent).”

Notice that reference to mental health. Depression also comes into play. Research shows they are related, but it’s thought to be bidirectional. That means that the more depressed you are, the more you engage in unhealthy eating and physical activity habits; and the more you engage in these behaviors, the more depressed you become. It creates a vicious cycle from which it’s tough to break.

More from APA’s stress survey

Obesity and depression are often exacerbated by stress. Those who suffer from these conditions report that they are unable to take the necessary steps to relieve their stress or improve their health and, therefore, engage in maladaptive coping behaviors.

• People with depression (27 percent) or obesity (24 percent) are more likely than the general population (20 percent) to report feeling dissatisfied with their lives and less likely (76 percent for the general population vs. 69 percent for those depressed or obese) to report feeling satisfied with family relationships.
• Those with depression (33 percent) or who are obese (28 percent) are significantly more likely than the general public (21 percent) to say they do not think they are doing enough to manage their stress.
• As compared to the general public (11 percent), more people who are obese (34 percent) or depressed (22 percent) report that their disabilities or health issues prevent them from making positive changes in their lives (i.e., reducing stress and improving health).

The good news is that research shows that depression, obesity, and stress share common effective treatments. Each can be improved (i.e., increased positive mood, weight loss, and lower stress) by a variety of methods, including cognitive (the way we think) and behavioral (what we do) components.

Here are two techniques to help you started on the road to a happier, healthier, more relaxed life.

Rate your mood before and after an activity. Then, rate your feelings of accomplishment before and after this activity. Begin to recognize those that improve your mood (not just in the moment, but later on) and make you feel better about yourself.

You may find that some of your favorite activities (Friday morning trips to the donut shop or Tuesday night carryout pizza) may cause momentary happiness, but lower your self-confidence in making positive choices or decreased physical health that creates more stress and depressed feelings.

Move more and sit less. Research has linked higher BMIs (indication of overweight) with higher rates of screen time (time spent with TV, video games, cell phones, computer, etc). Make your goal simple. Say something like “I will get a few tasks accomplished before I plop down on the sofa and catch up on TV.” For kids, this could be as simple as having them pick up their belongings and engage in a productive, physical activity prior to watching TV or playing video games.

By starting with these two things, you may find that you are identifying activities that make you less stressed, help you get healthier, and improve your interactions with others. You’re putting down that stress chisel, and improving your mental and physical health.

Photo by practicalowl (via Flickr)

APA released its annual Stress in America survey yesterday, and we have again found that our nation is under pressure. Yes, average stress levels have declined somewhat from their max in 2007 and 2008, but that was at a time of extreme economic uncertainty when the housing crisis began to bubble, and the nation’s economy was on the cliff, about to take a deep fall.

But even as the nation’s economy begins to improve, we found that yet again, the majority of people surveyed said they are experiencing very high degrees of stress at levels that are higher than they consider healthy.

Our snapshot of stress is even bleaker for those who said they are caregivers or living with a chronic condition. Caregivers reported higher levels of stress, poorer health and a greater tendency to engage in unhealthy behaviors to alleviate their stress than the general public. They report feeling overwhelmed by the amount of care their aging or chronically ill family member require of them.

And those with chronic conditions, such as depression, obesity and Type 2 diabetes, are also caught in a vicious cycle. They said they were unable to take necessary steps to reduce their stress and engaged in unhealthy behaviors to manage their stress, thereby reducing their ability to appropriately manage their illness.

We have said for years that people need to be more aware of their stress levels; need to recognize what triggers stress for them; need to recognize how stress can damage their health; and need to manage their stress more effectively.

But while the majority of Americans know this is true, let’s face it, change isn’t easy.

There are a lot of reasons that Americans aren’t taking better care of their stress and their bodies. I believe, along with many others, that while we’re all responsible for our own health, change cannot happen in a vacuum. Aside from individual efforts, supportive social and community networks, as well as a responsive health-care system are needed to help individuals make the changes needed for better health.

We all need to think differently about health and illness.

Most chronic conditions can be prevented by better managing our stress and making better choices about our nutrition, activity level, alcohol and tobacco use, and our strategies for managing stress. By understanding the relationship between stress and chronic illness, we can all take steps to make better choices.

Psychologists working side by side with physicians—as part of someone’s personal health-care team—enhance the possibility that health care focuses on the whole person, not just an illness. Access to the right kind of care from the right kind of health-care provider must be assured in our evolving health care system. More focus on prevention will save lives and health-care dollars in the long run.

We need big changes in our evolving health-care system.

I believe they can happen. They need to happen.

Until then, do your best to make small changes and practice better stress management strategies.

• Engage understanding people who support the changes you want to make for yourself.
• Increase your activity level, and make better food choices.
• Set realistic expectations.

And if your efforts aren’t paying off for you, consider talking to a psychologist who can help you identify and remove those barriers that are standing in the way of the changes you want.

Photos by hradcanska and yourdon (via Flickr)

Imagine if you’d spent as much time learning to understand your emotions as you did learning to read, write and count. Unfortunately, like most of us, you likely received very little education or guidance in this area, surrendering your emotions to chance.

That often doesn’t work out too well.

Life is complicated and people are even more so. The chances are that at some point, we are faced with some difficult and emotionally challenging situations involving loss, conflict or rejection. These stresses (all too common in this ongoing economy) can often cause us to feel anxious or a bit down. If you don’t have the emotional skills to understand and manage these feelings, and this cycle goes on long enough, it can lead to feeling depressed or out of control, causing major problems in everyday life.

But here’s the really good news. Even if you weren’t blessed back in the days of the 3 Rs in school with learning how to understand and manage your emotions, it’s not too late!

Psychotherapy is a remarkably effective technique that helps you take back emotional control of your life and live better. Through the context of the therapeutic relationship, the therapist teaches you important skills for understanding and managing difficult emotions in your present life, but also helps you to retain these skills so you can apply them in future situations. Psychotherapy has the power to not only make you feel better, but to positively change the course of your life. As a practicing psychologist, I see evidence of this every day in my office.

Recently a group of psychologists produced a video for the public, which beautifully and evocatively illustrates the powers of psychotherapy. Take a look for yourself.

If you are unsure of how to find a good psychotherapist, you can start with talking to your primary care physician. (Psychotherapy is covered by most major insurance providers, as well as Medicare and Medicaid.) You can also check out the APA’s Psychologist Locator Service for a list of psychologists–doctors trained to listen and help–in your area.

Don’t leave your emotions to chance. Consider psychotherapy–take control of your emotional life now, and learn to hold on to it forever.

Photo by room_onfire (via Flickr)

If you’re not careful, your bargain shopping can be very expensive. My kids have heard me say many times, “Let’s leave the store now. I can’t afford to save any more money.”

Shopping is not a rational process. If it were, we’d buy strictly what we need. Instead, we generally purchase what we want, and justify it afterwards. e.g., “I wouldn’t usually pay that much for lime-green shoes. These don’t even go with much in my closet. But they were half off the regular price of $300, and they’re really comfortable.”

Sales and discount prices may seem to be about rational numbers. But they are engineered to influence you on a deep emotional level.

Here are some ways that merchants get you to part with your money:

Price anchoring – Anything on sale mentions the “regular price” of the item, which serves as an anchor – the basis of comparison with the discounted price.

Suppose  you are looking at 2 very similar sweaters: one is the store brand priced at $30 (not on sale) and the other is a name brand marked down from $79 to $45. Chances are you would be willing to spend the extra 15 bucks, because you are “saving” so much on the deal. If that same sweater were regularly priced at $45 would you still choose it?

Scarcity – Anything that is limited, whether it’s time or resources, tends to make us want it more. That’s why ads with the following phrases get us motivated to buy:

• Time-limited sale – “Today only;” “Door-buster special 8 -10 am;” “Offer expires at midnight”
• Limited supply – “Only 12 left;” “Limited edition;” “They’re flying off the shelves;” Blue-light special (where mobs of people flock to a merchandise table)
• Last chance to save – “When they’re gone, they’re gone forever.”

Some online and TV merchants create a sense of scarcity by displaying the quantity of an item remaining as other orders are filled, and/or by showing a count-down timer reminding you that time is running out.

Free extras – High-end cosmetic companies often include a bunch of samples “valued at $58” (according to them) with any purchase from their already expensive product line. Thus, you can justify spending $25 for lipstick, because of all the free stuff that comes with it (most of which you probably won’t use.)

People tend to buy more when something free is included. Have you ever stocked up on buy-one-get-one free offers for items that you would not usually even buy one of?  Or charged more than you can afford on your credit card in order to get travel miles? It’s hard to resist, because it seems like such a bargain – and we hate the thought of losing out on it, even if it’s for something we don’t need or want.

Everybody loves free, including me. A while back I was shopping online for a simple cable. I found two with similar specs and equally good reviews. One cost $6.95 plus $2.95 for shipping, bringing the total to $9.90. The other was $12.95 with free shipping. I confess that I vacillated between the two, because somehow the more expensive item seemed like a better bargain due to the free shipping!

As you can see, even knowing how powerful “free” can be, did not fully protect me from falling for it. It took a few minutes for my logic to override my emotions, and I did end up ordering the less expensive cable (which works just fine).

How to not go broke on bargains

Low price is not a bargain if you don’t need or use the item, There’s actually a cost to owning stuff that you don’t need. It takes up space and gets in the way. Once you’ve owned it for a while, your thrill of procuring the item will fade, eclipsed by annoyance at having to store and move it.

Next time you’re shopping for items on sale, be selective. Ask yourself:

• Will this item improve my life or that of the person I’m gift-shopping for?
• The item that I’m getting for free – would I pay for it if it weren’t free?
• Do I have an intended recipient for this gift item?
• Is this gift something the recipient likely wants? Or is it just that I want them to have it?
• If I let this one “get away” how much will I really regret it later?

And one more thing …Eat before you go shopping. Hunger is a motivator, and might motivate you into buying more than you bargained for.

(For more info about what motivates buying decisions, check out Dr. Dan Ariely’s writing and research.)

Photo by jzlomek