As the mom of two very young girls, I am hyper aware of the sexualization of girls and women in the media.  And as a psychologist, I work with lots of tween and teen girls and watch them struggle to understand the images they see on TV, online and in print, and how those images relate to their lives. And research repeatedly shows the strong link between these images and mental health problems such as depression, eating disorders and a low self-esteem.

I am aware of folks who believe we should eliminate all media presence from our children’s lives and require them to wear clothing that reveals nothing.  But I am not convinced that these extreme measures are the most effective route to helping our girls (and boys!) develop healthy, realistic and sustainable concepts of themselves and the people around them.  The fact is, most of us live in a media- and sex-saturated society; while we can work to reverse or slow the trend, we also need learn to live in it.

Here are some tips for helping children manage what they see and hear and make healthy choices:

Stay Engaged

In previous posts I have written about the importance of understanding of your children’s online life.  I think the same holds true for all types of media – not just the computer kind.  Check in on the shows your kids are watching; listen to the music they listen to; read the magazines they read.  When I sat down and really watched some of the shows my kids were watching, I was appalled.  I quickly realized that some of the “children’s programming” just did not jibe with the lessons about family, body image, and relationships that I was trying to instill in my kids.  

Talk A Lot but Listen More

There are literally hundreds of opportunities everyday to engage your child in a conversation about sex, relationships, and body image.  A billboard on the way to swim practice, a magazine cover in the doctor’s waiting room, sassy song lyrics on the radio – these are all conversation starters.  Instead of dominating the conversation talking about why you think something is right or wrong, let your kids take the lead.  I am continually amazed at the insight and maturity many kids have about these topics – we just need to give them the opportunity to tell us!

Be the Teacher

Yes, we live in a media-driven world, but don’t forget the power you have as a parent.  You are still your child’s first and most important teacher and role model.  Even if they don’t seem to be watching or listening to you – DON’T BE FOOLED – they are!  Check in with yourself and other prominent adults in your children’s lives.  Are you living the life you want them to see?  Develop and demonstrate a healthy sense of self and your kids will very likely follow behind.

Photo by TheErin (via flickr).

Before you make a career change, there are several things to keep in mind:

• Take your personality into account: Knowing yourself well is the first step to making the right career move. If you enjoy working with others, and yet find yourself in a job that is isolating or with limited social interaction, you might find that your social needs might undermine how satisfying you find your job. On the other hand, if you get overwhelmed when you are required to be interacting with others on a consistent basis, your job responsibilities might take a toll on you and curtail how fulfilled you will feel by your career choice.
• Be aware of the work environment that best fits you: Do you prefer a fast-paced, time-pressured work environment or would you rather work in a steady, predictable atmosphere? You might find that you work better when you have deadlines and have to make in-the-moment decisions. Conversely, you might feel better when you have ample time to make decisions and to get things accomplished. Since most of us spend the most productive hours of our days at work, it is crucial that we know the kind of environment that best fits us. Otherwise, you might find yourself regularly distressed or bored to death.
• More education is not always a must: Find out if your new career path requires further education (like a new degree) or if your skills are transferable to your new vocational interests. Do not undersell the skills and abilities that you already have acquired and utilized in your previous jobs. If needed, talk to someone who can help you objectively assess your skills and help you to articulate them in a manner that makes you marketable.
• Test the waters before you jump ship: It might be beneficial for you to do volunteer activities or shadow someone in this new occupation before you commit to making a change. You might learn factors not otherwise found through other sources that can help you make a well-informed decision.

There are no jobs without some challenges. However, choosing a job in which you do not mind taking care of the problems that arise may just be the best career choice for you.

Recently, I read an article in our local newspaper about allowances for children and the benefits of teaching kids about money management and savings. I did not know that there is currently a debate on whether a child’s allowance should be tied to household chores. According to the article, about half of the parents who give an allowance to their children believe that a child should earn it. The rest disagree.

What could we teach our children by having them earn their allowance? For starters, children could learn to appreciate the joy of being rewarded for jobs well-done on a consistent basis. They can understand that money does not grow on trees and realize that dads and moms also work to earn their money. Furthermore, they can learn delayed gratification. We often hear ourselves complain about the entitlement of the younger generations. In part, we contribute to this phenomenon by giving our children what they want, when they want it, how they want it. As parents, we can be part of the solution by teaching our young ones that they can save their earned money to get what they want.  In the meantime, our children can also learn that there is a big difference between what we need and what we want. The earlier we learn that distinction, the better they can appreciate what really matters in life.

Two factors to highlight with regard to allowances is the need for clarity and consistency by both children and perhaps, more importantly, parents. Parents need to be clear with their children about how they can earn their allowance.  Once a plan of action for earning an allowance is agreed upon, stick to the plan. Do not reward them when they have not met expectations. This defeats its purpose. On the other hand, if they do what it is expected, be sure pay up! It is only fair.

As 2010 gets on its way, it may be time for all of us to review, change, and commit to a fiscally sound way of managing our money. It can be a proactive way to lessen money worries and be clear on our financial goals… and teach our children financial responsibility along the way.

Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege.—John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

Turn on the news these days and you will see the devastating effects of homelessness on families, the increased numbers of children going to school hungry, or an elderly man found frozen to death because he could not afford his heating oil. In many of these reports, there is often a human interest story that makes its way into the headlines. We may hear about the selfless acts of neighbors reaching out to one another… sharing a shelter in the middle of a winter storm; or a community coming together to help those in need.

In moments of crisis or when we truly pay attention to human suffering, it seems as though a veil is removed and our humanity and caring is unmasked. This is especially the case during the holidays. People’s sense of warmth and compassion becomes evident through the selfless giving during these times. Whether it is financial contributions to the Salvation Army or donations to the local food bank, generosity abounds during the holidays.

What is it about the holidays that compel us to give so graciously? Maybe we are simply moved by the spirit of giving. Yet, there are countless people who are in some need each and every day. Some may need food or shelter for the evening, while others may need clothing or items for daily living. For many Americans, their hardship continues throughout the year. In fact, The National Center on Family Homelessness reported that, in 2005-2006, 1 out of every 50 children in America were homeless… and the numbers are growing.

Generosity is not just about monetary giving. To be generous implies that we are willing to share or give of ourselves. Most, if not all, people are privileged in some way. Whether it is an education we have acquired or emotional empathy we have learned, there is something (tangible or otherwise) that we can share with those around us to uplift their lives. In this view, each and every one of us has a unique quality or gift that we can pass along to those in our community. To give of ourselves to our neighbors is truly an honor and a privilege and it is through that selfless behavior that we can grow as individuals… all year long.

You might be thinking that it is all about healthy communication. Well, not exactly. While effective communication is important and critical, if we are focused on the wrong target, we’re still going to miss the point. So, what should we do to untangle ourselves from the emotional trappings of this political debate?

We all know conflict when we see it and we know that it doesn’t feel good…mostly, because we are feeling threatened in some way. Too often, we respond to these perceived threats in a defensive manner; looking to deflect or counter any attacks thrown our way. However, when this happens, each party gets too focused on just their ultimate goal. In other words, the position (or outcome) that we are seeking becomes the focus. Once we go there, it is likely that we are going to get stuck in a war unless one side gives up or is defeated, hurt, and angry.

Rather than focusing on what you and the other person want (the position), it is imperative that we put our energies into understanding each other’s interests. In other words, interests are the reasons we want a particular outcome. While it may be likely that those involved may want differing outcomes, there is greater likelihood that we can come to a successful resolution by examining each party’s reasons for why something is important.  Obviously, clear and effective communication can facilitate this process. However, it is essential to know what is driving the conflict. Once we can appreciate where the other party is coming from, we can collaborate together to find a mutually successful resolution with the fringe benefit of a healthy bipartisan relationship.