Your Mind Your Body

I was sitting in my office the other day with a mother and her 11 year old daughter. I watched as the young girl held her cell phone and continued texting her friends as my conversation with her and her mom progressed. At some point I commented that her cell phone seemed rather important to her. She nodded and continued texting. A few minutes later I asked her if she would please put the phone away. She nodded and continued texting. Finally her mother made the same request…5 or 6 times. The girl did not stop. The mother asked again and the girl said she just had to finish responding to her friend. Now, I don’t know about you.  But if that were my kid, the cell phone would have been in my purse faster than she could type LOL . I am truly worried about our kids. And I am worried that parents have really lost control. Kids spend hours privately texting each other. They rarely talk on the phone anymore. No one is listening to their conversations as they type away. Do you remember trying to find a private place at home to talk to your friends? Our parents generally had a clue as to who we were talking to, what we were saying and for how long. It has become relatively common for teens to send naked pictures of themselves to their “boyfriend” of the week. They don’t understand the potentially negative consequences. And they don’t know or care that this is illegal. I was discussing this with a group of college students in a Family Law class last week where I was the guest lecturer on the topic of domestic violence. As we talked about what kinds of behaviors we see in victims of domestic violence I pointed out that, while there is no specific profile for a victim, other than being a woman and having a physical disability, one is more likely to become a victim if she has very low self-esteem. Our young women are letting boys /men know that they don’t respect themselves or their bodies. A frequent response from kids, when I ask why they have sent these pictures is, “because he likes to look at them”!  We are giving kids tools that they are way too young to handle. Would we hand our car keys to our 13 year olds? Of course not. A phone may seem relatively harmless. But it is not. An article in the Hartford Courant this week pointed out how often kids are using their cell phones to cheat on exams. They send each other answers or store information they think they will need on their phones. Please think carefully about giving your child a cell phone. If they have phones, let them know you will be checking it and reading their text messages and looking at their photos. And then, actually do it. Also, be sure cell phones are left in either your bedroom or some common area by 9P.M. The frontal lobes of our brains, responsible for decision making and judgment, are not fully developed until our mid twenties. That is why our kids need parents. Just because technology says we can do something or that we can let our kids do something, does not mean we should.

Filed under: Children, Lifestyle & Behaviors