Your Mind Your Body

As many as 63% of American households include a pet, according to the American Pet Products Manufacturers.  And many of these pets are full-fledged members of their families.  Sharing in holidays, meals, vacations, and family photos – pets are an important part of our lives and our mental health.  Much has been written about the positive effects pets can have on our moods (Science News, Pets and Mental Health).  They provide companionship, loyalty, and an open ear for their owners – even when no one else seems to.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise then, that when a pet passes away, either naturally or by euthanasia, that the owners left behind can go through the same feelings of grief and loss as if a human member of their family had died.  I have had folks seek treatment in my practice because of profound grief and accompanying depression after the loss of a pet – and many times they feel embarrassed or ashamed that they are having such strong feelings – after all it was “only” their dog.

The first thing I try to communicate to these folks is that it is not “only” a dog (or cat, or bunny, or bird).  Their pet was a real member of their family – and they are entitled to feel as much (or as little, for that matter) grief as comes up.  We talk about some reasons that the grief might be so intense:

1. Few of us ever have a human friend as loyal as our pet.  They greet us when we come home, are happy to see us regardless of the kind of day they (or we) had, and are eager to listen to our problems without interruption!  This kind of loyalty is extremely rare among humans, but something most pets give effortlessly.
2. All of us know gossips and blabber-mouths.  It is hard to trust people with our deepest, most tightly-held secrets for fear of judgment or indiscretion.  But there has never been a pet who has let a secret slip, or has listened to a personal story with a disapproving ear.  Dogs, cats and other pets can be trusted with the most humiliating, sad, or funny admissions – and they never share them with the collie across the street.
3. We all have co-workers, friends, spouses, or other family members who complain. We may even complain ourselves – about our back, our paycheck, our neighbors, or our children.  But animals don’t complain – ever. Even if they are irritated at your snoring or the bland, store-brand food you insist on buying them  – they never whine or moan.  Content and happy day after day, who could ask for a better companion?
4. It is hard to read people.  Is she angry with me? Tired? Is he quiet because he is sick, or because I said something rude? Communication with people is a constant challenge.  Not so with a pet.  We pretty much always know what to do to make our pets happy.  5:00pm? They’re belly needs to be filled.  7:00am?  Time to go outside.  8:00pm? They must be ready for exercise.  There’s no passive-aggressive  quips or eye-rolling to translate – a more straightforward and easy-to-please friend has never been had.
5. Pets are patient.  They put up with our complaining, hectic work schedules, and irritating intolerance for heat and cold (“sorry, Fido, it’s too cold to take a walk today”).  They generally adapt well as we move to a new home, add a spouse or partner, have a child, then another.  We often have a harder time adjusting than they do – even though they are the ones that get the short end of the attention stick.

With all of these wonderful attributes, it is no wonder that when our pet companion goes to the great green field in the sky that we are left hurting, lonely, and wondering if we will ever have such a true friend again.  This grief is real.  And it can be as long-lasting as the grief over any human. 

For more information on managing grief after the loss of a pet, visit the Humane Society of the United States.

Filed under: Uncategorized